4DPIUI

I don't want to jinx myself, but this has been the easiest TWW ever. I even thought it was 3DPO, then realized it was 4DPO. I'm REALLY not paying attention! No goo.gling or anything. Perhaps it's because this cycle was the "hail mary" - and one we have little faith in, so I don't spend my day thinking about things.

Having said that, I love this graph. In case you ARE wondering where your eggie might be. :)

We're gearing up for injectables next cycle, and I sure hope that can get me pregnant. If not, IVF is so expensive. I wasn't kidding, that 1 cycle of IVF is $15k+ in the Bay Area! That usually doesn't include drug costs, either. Even Kai.ser charges about $15k out here. The cheapest place I found charges $11k per cycle (w/o meds), but they didn't have as high a success rate.

Enjoy the long weekend!

2 DPIUI

Really bloated. Reallllllly bloated.

Nothing to report in the TWW yet.

Last night we went to our first IVF informational session. It was with the former clinic we were using. They totally avoided any financial questions, probably because they are so expensive. They have a nice facility, though, and I really like the RE who spoke. I imagine 1 cycle is $15k+ plus meds. Ouch. The clinic is 45 minutes from where I work, so transportation time would be rough.

I asked a TON of questions, and a few times realized how little RE's know about "our situation." When they were talking about their 40% pregnancy rate per cycle, I asked, "What is the variance for people using frozen sperm?" I totally stumped her. "Ohhhh, umm you know, I don't know. I think they are exactly the same. You know, sperm is sperm, whether it's frozen or not."

I'm sorry, but every statistic I look at online shows 5%+ lower rates for frozen sperm. How could a clinic be so ignorant to that entire market of IVF-ers? I don't necessarily blame this clinic, I think many clinics are like this. They need to do more studies.

We were the only girl couple there. There were about 6 other straight couples and one single woman. The couples ranged from young to probably mid 40's. It was interesting to hear the spiel, and we are planning 2-3 more seminars. Pretty soon i guess we'll have to start a real consultation. Since they ask for 1-2 months advance notice (for testing), before you want to begin IVF, we'd have to start this process while we're still doing IUI+injectables. That could be tricky - how can they do an SHG or HSG if I'm in the TWW, you know?

I'll tell you one thing, though. Being in that room, getting a lab tour, and taking notes on the IVF process sure made it feel more real. I think we're gonna do 3-4 rounds of IUI+injectables, then move to IVF. (With no fertility coverage left) God help us!

Should I ask for more ultrasounds?

So I have a history of RE's who are VERY casual with monitoring.

I'm sitting here, the night of my 7th IUI...wondering if I should have asked for more monitoring of my follies. Here's why:

With no Fem@ra, on CD12 my follie would be 18mm.
When I start Fem@ra on CD3, on CD11 my follie was 27mm!!! A 27mm follie on CD11. Crazy.

This month I started Fem@ra on CD2, and I asked for an u/s on CD9. My follies were 19mm and 15mm. Still, though....a 19mm follie on CD9???? My RE had me wait until the next evening to do the HCG shot, then come in 39 hours later for an IUI.

I dunno, man. I'm starting to think my follies grow 4mm a day on Fem@ra, not 1. Why didn't they think to have me come in the next day, just to see how my follies were growing? There is a HUGE difference between 1-4mm growth a day. Perhaps they had me wait too long for my HCG shot, and I may have O'd much earlier than my IUI.

Do your RE's bring you in for daily monitoring on Fem@ra and/or injectables? I have no doubt that my RE will do the same thing next month, when I start injections. I'll have one u/s on CD9 or so, then my next appt will be for an IUI days later. Just seems wrong. I'd rather pay the extra $441 for another ultrasound, than to keep missing the optimal time to trigger.

I am SO over the medical industry right now!!!! Not one doc really takes the time to give me individualized care. It's 3 minute u/s and IUI appointments then they bolt out of the room, and a generic one-size-fits-all protocol. sigh

Where my fellow TWW'ers at?

Here I am again - starting a new TWW.

My IUI was at 10:45am today. We had 10.7M motile swimmers, and the IUI was mildly uncomfortable. I laid on the table for 30 minutes reading "OK!" Magazine.

I had really wanted to take it easy today, but such was not the case. I raced back to work, and was literally running from building to building, for meetings. This week is incredibly stressful, and I've had an acidic pit in my stomach all day from it. I was jogging (due to lateness) to meetings in different buildings, which I know can't be good for me.

I would really like to take it easy on IUI day, but I never get the chance. Work is a series of really stressful fire drills all day long, and I usually have 2-4 hours of meetings every day, so leaving for IUI's is hard enough.

My RE asked me how I felt - she was trying to make me excited. All I could reply was, "Oh, I'm ok. I guess we'll just see what happens." I am SERIOUSLY going through the motions. You can't get me excited about IUI's anymore - I've had almost a year of BFNs, so I can't even pretend to get my hopes up...not even to please my RE.

Next cycle we start injectables. She did say she recommends Gonal-F over Menopur. Does it really matter what injections I take? Does one cause more follies than another?

Anyone else on a TWW? :)

BIG 24 hours! (photos included!)

My honey is off to Minnesota for 4 days, leaving me to do the HCG trigger shot on my own. I've been dreading it!!!

Well at 8pm tonight, I did it! I kept starting to inject, then chickened out. The half-ass needle pokes left tiny bloody marks on my belly. haha.

Finally, I pinched an inch, grit my teeth, and JABBED that needle in. PHEW. I was so proud of myself, I felt like Tom Hanks in Castaway, when he built his first fire. "I made fire!!!!" In my case, I was beating my chest, saying, "I injected myself!"

In other exciting news, Ashton Kutcher visited my company yesterday. He chatted with us for a while, and we sang happy birthday to him - and gave him a cake. It was pretty cool, since I'm starstruck whenever I meet celebs.

Here are a few pics I took with my cellphone. They're kinda fuzzy, sorry!

I'm here!

I don't think I've ever gone so long without blogging!

I'm here, still alive. :) It's been a very tumultuous week. Been working late every night this week, forcing me to miss all my workouts. One night I did watch Bravo "Workout" instead of working out, does that count?

In other news, Becky's sister had a heart attack and is hooked up to breathing machines in the hospital. Becky flies out to Minnesota tomorrow to spend a few days with the family. No need to send condolences....this sounds awful to say, but her sister has spent the last 20 years ruining everyone's life. She is about as evil as they come, and lies, screams, threatens, extorts, blackmails, etc.... Becky on a weekly basis. In fact, the day before the heart attack, she screamed at Becky "I hope you die a painful death." Her sister hates Becky only because Becky won't send her money for her Oxycontin addiction, and because Becky won't continue asking her dad to help out. This has caused so much stress for Becky, and her sister is really a crazy, drug-addicted person who has nothing left to do but threaten people.

I am actually praying that her sister passes away, as her quality of life will be 100x worse. She's already 5'11" and 80 pounds (bulemia), addicted to Oxycontin, has no teeth, barely any bones, is mentally crazy, etc. And she constantly hurts the person I love more than anyone. She is so cruel to Becky.

Ok, in TTC news... I had my CD9 ultrasound today. I started Femara on CD2, to see if that made a difference. It did! I actually have two follies - one is 19mm, one is 15mm. I trigger tomorrow night, and IUI on Monday. Hopefully the smaller follie will have caught up by then.

The bad news - my lining ain't so good. It's 6.5, and i guess the bare minimum you need is 6. The Femara is definitely thinning out my lining. If I don't get preggers this cycle, I may discontinue using it.

So that's the news. I will be by myself this weekend, until Becky gets back on Tuesday. I have to trigger myself tomorrow night, which I'm worried about. i can't give myself a shot!!!

I'm down from the ledge

I had an EPIC meltdown Friday night. Like, sobbing so hard I couldn't catch my breath. My dog freaked out and was licking my face (he always knows when one of us is sad).

I'm doing a bit better now. B and I went to Livermore yesterday, and hit 10 wineries! (We share tastings, and just take tiny sips) It lifted my mood.

On the TTC front, I am racked with anxiety, doubt, and confusion. This is the lightest period I've ever had. Light bleeding for 2 days, then it totally stopped. I usually have 4 heavy days, followed by 3 light. And I didn't even get cramps this time. SOMETHING is wrong. Does Femara cause me to have lighter periods? A thinner lining? Maybe because Femara made me ovulate 4 days earlier, my lining never got to full thickness.

This month, I started Femara on CD2. This is kind of the Mad Scientist month...just to see what happens if I start earlier. I really don't have any hope I'll get pregnant this cycle.

I'm beginning to think my body just doesn't respond optimally to Femara. If that's the case, we will move to injectables next month. I'll either stop femara, or just take 2.5mg.

Now....question for you guys. What injectables have you tried? What dosage? How many mature follicles?

We're running out of new things to try, so I hope injectables work next month.