Transfer tomorrow!

I got a call at 8:30am from our doc's office. Of course, being paranoid, my first thought was, "Why are they calling so early? Did the embryos arrest?"

They were simply telling me my consultation is at 9am, and transfer at 10am. Phew.

I'm nervous about the large speculum they will use. I must have a tiny peesh, because anything BUT a mini speculum really hurts. Speculum thrashing + full bladder = yikes.

This may sound weird, but I almost don't want to see the 2 embryos be released (on the monitor). For some reason, seeing it happen reminds me of how fragile this process is, and reminds me of how much can still go wrong. That sounds really weird, right? I guess I feel like if I see it, it will jinx things. :)

In good news, I finally "went to the bathroom." I had C.olace, Ducol@x, Fib3rsure in my system. Not that you care to know this, but I think maybe 30% is now out of my system, which is better than 0%. Hoping the rest "finds its way out" today. :)

Don't you love my TMI?

"Sometimes I go crazy and say mean things."

Nothing super exciting to report today. I can sum it up in 3 bullets.
* This is my 5th day of fluid restriction (2 glasses of Gatorade a day is all I can drink). I am effing thirsty and haven't had a bowel movement in 3 days. There is no fluid in my body. For the love of all that is HOLY, I need to 'get it out!'
* Had my first PIO shot tonight. The needle didn't hurt going in (thanks, butt fat!). In fact, I wasn't sure if the needle even reached my muscle. Two hours later my ass hurts pretty bad. It must have done something.
* I had my first rage. Must be from the HCG shot. I suddenly, at 10pm, got so mad! I was yelling how the house is so dirty, the kitchen is a mess. i was upset that the fan was blowing my IVF papers around. I went a little crazy, and it was definitely HCG induced. A few minutes later I looked and saw B scrubbing down the counters. I started laughing hysterically. (Which made me look more crazy) I freaked her out and I guess she was trying to appease my inner HCG beast.

We laughed about it, and she made me write on our kitchen chalkboard. "Sometimes I go crazy and say mean things." She said she will point to that as a gentle reminder next time I act up.

Now I just wish I could poo. I feel like I never will now! Sorry for the TMI.

Excellent Fertilization Results! Baaaaaaad news at work.

Great news! I spoke with a nurse regarding fertilization results. She said of the 16 eggs they retrieved, 14 were mature, and 13 fertilized! She said that's a 93% fertilization rate, very high. My doc had even written "EXCELLENT FERTILIZATION RESULTS!" on my chart.

It's exciting and weird to think I have 13 babies 40 minutes away. A baker's dozen. So we are sticking with a 5-day transfer (2 embryos) on Saturday. Come on, little eggies. Keep dividing!

Now, talk about poor timing. Today at work, they issued a notice saying an employee was found to have H1N1 "Swine Flu." I work in a building crammed with 1,000 people. No offices or cubes, all open space. Coughing, sneezing, etc - no barriers anywhere. Just wide open massive sweatshop sized rooms. This SUCKS! Since it's known to spread quickly, others in the office may be contracting it every day, and spreading it further.

We have about 7 pregnant women, who are WFH the rest of the week. They are scared shitless. Then there's me, about to do a transfer! And I am on intralipid immune suppressants to kill my NK cells. eff ME. I told my boss I am WFH the rest of the week.

In the notice to employees, they said women with newborns, pregnant women and those with low immune systems should find alternate arrangements. They really should have closed the entire office for a few days, to spray that shit down.

It's a huge pandemic in CA. Whether I contract it at work, or in my town, it almost seems a high likelihood. Ugh that email today just bummed me out. Now any number of my coworkers is spreading swine flu to me, in my most fragile state. To come this far and lose it all. No way!

Successful Egg Retrieval! (Full story below)

Your well wishes have worked once again. :) We had a successful retrieval! We did get one bit of bad news, which is that my hemorrhagic cyst (that's been persisting), he discovered now is endometriosis. So that has me somewhat upset. Overall, I couldn't have asked for a better retrieval, though! I read all your blog comments again at 7am this morning, they really meant a lot to me.

The gist first, then the full story for those who want to hear it.
* I had not ovulated early. yay!
* I didn't feel a thing, the anesthesiologist did a great job
* Of 18 follicles aspirated, they got 16 eggs!
* I did my first 90 minute intralipid transfer, to help lower my NK cells
* The only bad news was that I have endometriosis, which could be a problem since it elevates my NK cells, and can prevent implantation

Ok, now the full story:
I woke up at 5am, unable to sleep in. Ovaries were in FLAMES, and I was convinced I had ovulated. By 7am, I read your blog comments one last time, and we got in the car for our 45 min drive. We didn't say much in the car...our silence was deafening. We were both thinking about the procedure.

Per usual, I get insane IBS for my RE appts. We got there at 8am, and I had 3 trips to the bathroom. Ovaries on fire, ass explosions in the bathroom...I was a hot mess. I even saw a tiny bit of brown spotting on the TP after peeing (sorry TMI), and I was worried that was post-ovulation spillage.

They finally took me back. I got into my purple gown, which had this inflatable thingy in it. (They later stuck a hose to it and it inflated with warm air. Amazing) I got my standard issue surgical socks (adding to my collection of 3), and put my hair up. They laid me on a bed in the pre-op area, and re-confirmed my name, birthdate, and why I was there 1,000x. I thought about saying "I'm here for lipo." :) The nurse tried 2x to stick an IV in me. It was so terribly painful, I wanted to scream. In both tries, she was unsuccessful. They said they'd have the anesthesiologist try once I got to the OR.

I said my goodbyes to B, and they wheeled me into the OR. My anesthesiologist was awesome; she was telling me about a trip to France while the nurses stuck all kinds of monitoring things on my chest, as well as took my blood pressure over and over. They strapped my legs into two gigantic stirrups. I was very very calm. Luckily, my anesthesiologist took 5 seconds to stick the IV in. thank god!

My doc came in, and after some greetings, he said "Ok, we'll see you when you wake up!" The last thing I remember was getting sleepy.

I woke up 1 hour later in the recovery area. The first thing slurred out of my mouth was, "How many did they get?" Nurse said they were still counting, and I was so confused (still groggy). I slowly woke up, and they brought B back. It took about 30-40 minutes, but I was finally feeling more awake. I had some water and crackers.

Because of my NK cells, I had to do a 90 minute intralipid infusion. They had me walk over to the other side of the room, and sit in a recliner. They brought over this IV bag of white liquid, and hooked me up. It didn't hurt at ALL, and I feel absolutely no side effects from it. B went and got me lunch, which we ate together during the infusion.

My doc stopped by and called the lab to ask how many eggs they got. I was watching his face, trying to read his reactions. Will he say, "Oh ok" or "Wonderful?" He merely said thank you, and hung up the phone. damn, nothing to interpret there. He walked over and I must have looked terrified. He said the retrieval went wonderfully, and out of 9 follicles on my right, they got 9 eggs. Wooooo! Out of 9 follicles on my left, they got 7 eggs. He said that is a great %.

He did say that once they aspirated part of my bloody cyst, the lab discovered that it was an endometrioma. He said it could interfere with pregnancy, since it elevates my NK cells. He felt confident that the intralipid infusion would prevent most of that risk. He did say that if the endometrioma causes me pain in the future, I would need to have it surgically removed. He was surprised that my recent laparoscopy didn't include that procedure. They simply aspirated it. WtF! I went through all that suffering and money just for them to aspirate it? I was so mad at that other clinic. They should have removed the damn thing in the first place. Even my doc was a little surprised.

I will never get that surgery again. Not unless it's SO bad that they have to go in a remove an ovary. That surgery was terrible.

So all I could think was "endometriosis" - despite the good news about the retrieval. B told me to stop worrying, and to just be happy in this moment, right now, and she's right.

Like I've been saying, this is the first step in a journey of many miles. Getting pregnant is the next one, but really, it's maintaining the pregnancy every day for 9 months is the big challenge. My body has been cursed with every stupid pregnancy-ending disorder you can imagine: MTHFR, NK cells, endometriosis, etc.

I promise to try and be happy in the moment, and to not let fears of the next hurdle prevent me from cracking a smile right now. :) It truly will be a miracle if I get pregnant, and carry to term. If I do, I will hope that it offers some hope to others who've suffered BFN's all this time. Lord knows I've walked in your shoes.

It's funny to think that - moving forward, each micro hurdle we're lucky to overcome (retrieval, fertilization, transfer, possibly BFP)..is all a personal record for us. Each day now we are beating our personal record. It's making me religious again, in that I feel like I'm praying every 5 minutes for it to continue! :)

The longest day ever

Sunday. The longest day I've ever lived....waiting for the day to be over, so we can do ET tomorrow.

I'm really nervous now about the early ovulation thing. I've had tons of EWCM the last few days, but today it was completely dried up. Dry as a bone. I've always been told this happens after you ovulate.

**Did anyone else who did IVF have the same thing happen, and were still ok?

So.....I dread waking up from anesthesia tomorrow, and seeing my doc with a long face. "It appears you have ovulated early. We're really sorry it didn't workout this time."

That is my #1 fear. With my history of ovulating early, and now my dried up chacha...it seems a valid fear.

Please please please let me get good news tomorrow. Why is this freaking me out so much. I think this will freak me out more than transfer!

Now I'm convinced that I've missed my window. My body followed the rules, for once, until now. All my hope for this cycle feels like it's a giant balloon that's been released...and now it's deflating quickly. What a terrible night this will be.

HCG Done. Now we wait.

Ok....forget my fears of the needle in my vag.

I am TERRIFIED that I will ovulate prior to retrieval. My doc had me trigger at 36 hours prior. In the past, with IUI cycles, I would ovulate around 24-30 hours after trigger, instead of 36-40.

That makes me worry that I'll be one of those women who ovulated a few hours before retrieval...meaning we have to start all over again. :( Please send all the "NO OVULATION BEFORE RETRIEVAL" vibes you can!

I'm Thirsty....

Still in the game, which is good news. We had another u/s this morning. I've got somewhere between 16-18 follies, most of which range between 18-19mm. Doc said everything looks great, and we trigger tonight at 9pm!

Retrieval is Monday at 9am. I won't lie; I am nervous about that horse needle going through my vag. A friend at work had IVF, and said she felt most of it, and it was a nightmare. My doc swears I will be drowsy from a light anesthesia, and won't feel the procedure. Eh, did any of you guys feel it?

After my retrieval, they will keep the IV in, and I'll do a 2-hour intralipid infusion to smack up my NK cells. (Seriously, my body is the Terminator. My uterus probably has "T-1000" written on it somewhere)

Until retrieval, I am on liquid restrictions. The ONLY liquid I can drink all day is a 1L bottle of Gatorade. That's it! I am so effing thirsty you guys. This continues possibly up through transfer. one bottle of gatorade a day.

Thirsty + bad headache = bitchy me. :) No, despite the pain I am so very grateful to have made it this far. One hurdle at a time. I hope we pass Monday's hurdle, too. I've learned to never, not for one minute, take anything for granted in this process. (Remember how I thought I'd get preggers on the first IUI? HA! I'd have an 8 month old right now) :)

NEED YOUR SAGE ADVICE

For anyone who has done IVF, I would love your thoughts.

We are amazed to have made it this far, and if we're lucky enough to have a successful retrieval/fertilization....we will have a new struggle to deal with: How many embryos do we transfer?

My clinic pretty much only does 5-day transfers, since they can weed out the highest quality ones. So..please bear that in mind. (If we did a 3-day, I'd transfer 2)

I am terrified of twins. Terrified. I have that blood issue, and I worry that two babies won't get enough blood. I know there are lots of health risks to me and esp the babies with twins in utero. Psychologically, I don't think we could handle twins. We have no family nearby, and just a few friends. (And they have their hands full with babies already). Financially, we definitely can't handle twins. We make modest incomes, but in the Bay Area, that only pays for mortgage. Daycare for twins would run about $2800-$3,000 a month. Neither of us can afford to quit, either, as we both need to stay in the workforce right now.

Now, on the other hand... I am terrified of having come this far in our journey, and losing it all. If we transfer 1, and freeze the rest, none of the embryos could survive freezing. if that one doesn't take, we're SOL. This whole journey over, where it could have been successful. I would be devastated, always wondering "what if I had transferred two? Wouldn't two be better than none?"

Women in my family get pregnant on the first try. How I got to IVF is a mystery, perhaps it was bad doctors, cysts, and bad sperm. I do worry that all things being equal, implanting two good embryos into my uterus will both implant.

I've spoken with coworkers about this, both of whom did IVF. They all recommend transferring 2 high grade 5-day blasts. GULP. One of them transferred one, got pregnant with one. On the second IVF (for child #2), they transferred 2 5-day blasts, and only one took.

My other friend transferred 2, and she thinks both stuck. After a few weeks, she had some clotting, and thinks that was the twin. She ended up with one healthy, beautiful baby girl.

It is a crapshoot. I'm probably damned if I do, damned if I don't. Any advice? I'm especially curious to hear from those of you under 35, who had 5-day transfers. (All advice welcomed, of course)

I go back and forth. One, two, one, two. I keep reading these horror stories about 10x higher rate of infant mortality with twins, 6x higher cerebral palsy, etc. And I FREAK OUT. But then I realize there are so many twins I know that are perfectly healthy! So is it just scare tactics?

If I have a truly high grade, high quality blastocyst, isn't it wise to just transfer that one?

PS - My ovaries burn like fire today. It feels like they are popping. Here's hoping they aren't ovulating already! Is this normal towards the last day of stimming?

Started Lovenox last night

Hmm. Yeah. Not really a fan.

Holy Shnikes, I'm still in the game!

18. That is the total number of follies I have. And oh by the way - I AM STILL IN THE GAME!!!!

THANK YOU for all the support through this. I read and reread all your well-wishes, and they really make a difference. Your hopes and prayers have been answered once again. :)

Here's the gist:
* 18 follicles, all around 13/14mm
* Cysty has quieted down, and has not grown in the last few days. Yay!
* I continue stims tonight and tomorrow, and have another u/s Saturday
* Retrieval is estimated at Monday!!!!!
* Transfer is estimated to be between next Thursday and Saturday!

Everything is moving fast now. Wow. I start Lovenox tonight. Anyone who's done this have any advice for me? I heard it stings.

I am just beside myself that I've even made it this far. Truly amazed. Without a doubt, I will maintain my humility with mother nature. I know anything can happen between now and transfer (no mature eggs, no fertilization, or heck, no implantation) Having said that, I will continue to think positive, and appreciate every little hurdle we overcome. I will never take one step of progress for granted. Not after what we've been through the last 16 months.

Thanks again for your support, and I am so pleased to share this good news with you!

"Cysty" is being a bad girl

So I've named my big bloody hemorrhagic cyst "Cysty." She's been a bad girl.

The cyst pain has gotten more constant, and more painful. Last night was a doozy. I woke up at 1am, and was clutching my left ovary in pain. Cysty was growing and stretching, and making quite a roar. I had to put an ice pack on my ovary, and after 90 minutes of pain, I finally fell back asleep.

Today the pain is moderate, but not as bad as last night. I am left with two burning questions:
1) Is this cyst now taking off, and sucking up all the FSH meds? Will my other follicles have a chance to grow?
2) How do I get rid of Cysty? She keeps growing back, and I REFUSE to have another surgery. that last one was so horribly painful, I will never go through that again. My RE can drain the cyst, but since it's hemorrhagic, it will simply come back again and again. Is my only option to remove my ovary? Of course, that requires surgery again....

I want to Fast Forward to Thursday, so I can know if I'm still in the game.

Still in the game

First, thank you all for the warm wishes and prayers. I'm happy to report that I'm not totally out of the game!

I had my ultrasound this morning. It was a very quiet 40 min car ride to the doctor's office. I was psyching myself up for disappointment, as well as pushing on my left ovary because of the moderate pain.

Here's how the u/s went down:

The bad:
1) My hemorrhagic cyst has come back!!!! It's growing with the FSH meds, too. It's now 20mm. This effing sucks because the only way to remove them is laparoscopy, which I will NOT do again. The cyst looked huge on the screen, and was a real bummer to see.
2) My follicle count has decreased a bit since my last baseline u/s. It was originally 19 follies, and today they could see about 16.

The good:
1) It appears (to be confirmed on Thursday), that my follicles are still growing in response to the FSH meds. It seems as though the cyst is grabbing some of the juice, but not all of it.
2) Doc says the cyst SHOULDN'T cancel my cycle, as long as the follicles are able to keep growing in response to FSH stims.

So - they want me to come back on Thursday, to see if my follicles are still growing. It's a one day at a time kind of thing, but at least early signs point towards hopefulness. There is still hope for this cycle......at least until we get Thursday's results.

In a sad/funny way, this is the first doc appt I've ever had (in the middle of a stim cycle), where I didn't get TOTALLY devastating news. Just kinda bad, kinda good news this time....but I'll take it!

Thanks again for all the blog-love, and for being the best cheering section a blogger could ever have. :) I hope to have another hopeful update for you on Thursday.

And now, I leave you with a photo of me and my oldest nephew, Tyler. (This was a year and a half ago, before the 20lbs gain from TTC!

Le Sigh

Sorry my posts have been so depressing. I'm afraid this one isn't any different.

Well no - there is one good news. The FSH shot last night didn't hurt much, yay! I did 3 G0onal-F and 1 M3nopur.

Now for the crappy part. I've had a sharp pain in my left ovary for about 5 days now. It's right where my gigantic bloody cyst was a few months ago, and feels EXACTLY like every giant cyst I've had, that's called off my cycles.

I called my IVF doc. They said I'm probably fine, and should continue the FSH meds. I don't have an u/s until Thursday. If they find a giant cyst and call off my cycle, I will be pissed. Pissed that I wasted $2,000 on meds this week for nothing. Sigh.

I've kind of given up on this cycle now. I know it's premature, and I hope that on Thursday I can say "I was wrong! Everything is great!" Let's hope for that.

For now, I am expecting they will find a giant cyst that's been sucking up all the FSH fluids. This is what has happened the last 3 cycles, and I'm having the exact same pain right now.

What do I do if they call the cycle off? That I don't know. Can I really go through the bcp and Lupron again? My body has told me in every possible way that it cannot produce a baby. It cant work with FSH meds - it NEVER has. I don't know if I have the courage or optimism to start anew, knowing I'll end up in the same spot again.

If Thursday is bad news, should I just let go of this TTC train? I've dragged this out for 16 months already. Many of you have already gotten pregnant, had your babies, and some of you are already pregnant again. I'm stuck at the starting line, and it's getting really old.

PLEASE GOD let me get good news on Thursday. Please please please. I don't want to have to make the decision this week whether to continue or drop out of the game.

**** Update: Later today, the pain in my ovary has gotten worse. I'd say it's moderate now, and pretty constant. This is all too familiar to the previous cycles I had, with a giant cyst forming early on (which disqualified me from trying). My IVF doc doesn't like the sound of this, and asked me to come in tomorrow morning for an u/s. They waved it off earlier, saying I was probably fine. You know, when I'm paying you $11,000, I think that affords me one extra freaking u/s when I'm in pain, and have a history of early cysts!!! I just want to know if I'm out of the game or not. I can't seem to escape the cyst ordeals.

Truly, this is almost unbelievable. I can't catch a damn break ever!

Wow

Non-stop migraine for two weeks so far. Check.
Dizziness leading to near fainting spells. Check.
Incredible nausea with occasional puking. Check.

Now we can add:
Explosive loose stools. Check. :(

I'm halfway through Lupron, and I start FSH tonight. I also started dexamethasone and doxycycline today (hence the sickness).

I don't know how much longer I can handle this...especially while working and commuting.

ow

It is Wednesday and I still have a killer migraine. B and I scheduled massages for tonight, and sadly I won't get to enjoy mine. My head will be hurting too much. It's too late to cancel it, so I'm going anyway. :(

I shudder to think what side effects I'll have this time on FSH meds. And then when I add in Lovenox and progesterone. Next week I will be doing 4 injections a night for 4 days...then 5 injections in one night. Lord help us.

Spoke too soon

The Lupron headaches are back. This time, with a vengeance! I envy women who don't work while they're going through IVF. To not worry about commuting/working with bad headaches, hot flashes, having to lead and sit in on work meetings when you feel like shite....

To not worry about scheduling issues, to be able to sleep in when needed....to not juggle work events at night with needing to be home for injections at a certain hour.

I met a woman who went through 3 rounds of IVF, and said she was lucky to have been a stay at home wife. She can't imagine how the rest of us work while going through this. Tell me about it, sister!

I've gotta figure out how to get through the next 6 hours with a massive Lupron migraine.

====Update a few hours later====
Ok this headache is now a 10 out of 10. Suddenly, I got realllllllly light-headed and faint. Just like how I felt before blacking out a few years ago. I had to go lay down at work. B is coming to pick me up from work now, as I am two shades from passing out. WTF is going on??? I called my IVF doc, and they said it's side effects of Lupron. Uh yeah ya think. Seriously though, I am GOING to blackout soon, the way I feel now. ugh.

Feeling better

I'm happy to report that the WORST of the Lupron headaches seem to be gone! Now it's just mild headaches now and then, but I am still hungry all the time, REALLY lethargic, and the weight gain has started. Still, I'll take any of that over headaches!

Thursday we go back for my CBC and estradiol counts, as well as u/s. Friday I begin FSH meds. Woot woot!

Thanks to all of you for enduring my rather hateful post towards Mormons. I kinda feel ashamed of saying such bad things. Can I blame it on the Lupron? :) There is a silver lining - a bunch of current (and some former) Mormons actually DO feel bad about how the Mormon church is treating gays, and wants the church to soften it's stance. They want the Mormon church to stop its mistreatment towards LGBT.

Check out their website! www.ldsapology.org

Finally some common sense in the world. :)

Christianity at it's finest.

This article makes me so happy that I finally, formally resigned from the Mormon church last November.

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_12811907

Creepy, disgusting, rancid, evil, ugly, motherfucking Mormons. Grrrrrrrr. The Mormons actually make me question the value of human life. Would I be sad if Utah got swallowed up by a burst of fire? Nope not one bit. I'd probably crack some bubbly. (I've suffered 33 years as a victim of the Mormon church, and a deeply religious and cruel Mormon family)

The IVF nightmares have begun. LOL

I had a nightmare last night. The IVF doc was only able to get 5 eggs out of me, and none fertilized.
Good heavens!

I read again today that for women under 35, 60% of them require 2 or more cycles of IVF to be successful. This brings me back to my lack of optimism for this round. I don't feel negative per se, just not optimistic. We only have money for one round, so if the stars align and the Gods want this try to work, it'll happen. If not, I take a much needed break and we see if B can get knocked up.

Sending Hugs

Our dear friends over at Desperately Seeking Baby have suffered a miscarriage. Our thoughts, hugs, and prayers go out to them. So very sorry for your loss. :(

OUCH

HOLY.LUPRON HEADACHE. BATMAN.

I have had a massive headache for 2 days now, on Lupron. It keeps me up all night, and I threw up several times last night/this morning. Are you kidding me with this stuff? I feel like I'm injecting poison into me. I have 17 more days of this!

These headaches are non-stop. After suffering for 18 hours, it finally went away after 2 Advil, Vicodin, and strong Rx migraine med. Lo and behold, it has returned a mere 6 hours later.

Son of a biznatch, this hurts. Did anyone else get a Lupron headache?

Lupron Shots Initiated!

I did my first Lupron shot last night at 9pm. B gave me the injection, and I may or may not have cursed at her. (I didn't mean it!) The shock of the needle going in was worse than I remembered, and it even hurt being pulled out. Owwie. I better toughen up, since pretty soon I'll be adding in 1-2 FSH shots, Lovenox, and progesterone shots every day.

Our July 4th camping trip was.....ok. I wish I was the type of person who LOVED camping. It looks so fun. In reality, I am a wuss. I don't like being dirty, walking 500ft to use the restroom, and being kept up all night because of rowdy/noisy campers. Snap came with us, and played in the river. It was so cute. The real bummer was on the drive up, a giant pebble hit my windshield. It put two big stars into it, and a crack traveled across the windshield. I just had it replaced this morning for $250. Ouch!

At least we got away for the weekend, though. We never do anything anymore, we're in such penny pinching mode.

It's very bizarre to think the actual IVF cycle has started. It was very surreal doing the injection last night. I think that over 14+ months, my mind has reached a state of numbness to the TTC process. I don't have that giddy excitement built up for this cycle at all, not like I used to. This is a good thing, though! It will spare me the extra stress, on top of the already existing work stress, PLUS work stress on top of IVF appointment scheduling stress. Maybe I'm so stressed out lately that my body has gone into survival mode, and it won't allow me to process any other new stress, such as worrying if IVF will work or not.

I do hope this cycle works. I have a 30% chance, and of course my special conditions make it less likely to carry a pregnancy to term. it's one thing if I can get pregnant, but that's the start of the battle. I will have to work hard to maintain it for 10 months, battling the double MTHFR mutations, blood clotting, lack of folic acid absorption, etc. MTHFR can cause stillbirth, can you imagine. getting all the way to 9 months, and having your baby pass at the very end. Horrible.

I wonder if that's why I am so aloof to this IVF cycle. Even if it works, I have a gigantic battle ahead of me of day-by-day maintaining it. Well, I guess we will see what happens in a few weeks! :) I really hope I can be a mama!

Happy July 4th!

Anyone have fun plans for the weekend? We are heading up to WAY northern CA for camping. There will be about 20 of us, deep in the woods. Smores, guitar playing, swimmin' in the river, and we're bringing the dog! Can't wait for a much-needed mini vaca.

I thought I'd respond to some comments to my last post:

1. How will you get out of the whitewater rafting trip?
I've decided to just be honest about my MTHFR stuff. Im not comfortable talking about IVF, but at least I dont have to lie about MTHFR. I will just say that I have various meds that I'm on, and I cannot do anything rigorous right now, that could dislodge a bloodclot.

2. Comment from Anonymous
An anonymous person commented on my honesty about being jealous of my sister. It sounds like anonymous experiences this from the other side of the fence, with a brother who won't even visit her because he's jealous of her life. I am so sorry to hear that! Jealously should never interfere with relationships, and I do hope your brother can see that someday. With my sister, luckily my jealously has been private, and I love being close to her family. I wouldn't miss an oppty to see my niece and nephews for anything. Thank goodness, because they are cutie patooties!

Also wanted to tip my hat to my woman. B has followed an intense diet plan (where you eat every 2 hours), trying to lose weight. Today the scale said she lost her first 10 lbs! As a treat, I am scheduling dual massages for us in July. :)

Hope you all have a nice holiday weekend!