Goodbye 2008, and Happy New Year!

To all my friends in the blogosphere - THANK YOU for the continued support you gave me throughout the year. I am very very grateful for it, and it absolutely made an impact. Thanks to everyone who's ever read my blog, commented, or even simply kept a blog of their own. Being able to read your stories (the good and the painful) has offered such a sense of community.

I am wishing that all of us have a very prosperous new year, whether you've just expanded your family or are still trying to. It's going to be a great year, I know it!

Also, I wanted to say conrgats to the girls at Boombababy! They just adopted the two cutest kids ever, and are already incredible mommies. Congrats Shawn & Lani! xoxo

Year in Review

===Update 12/30===
Blood test confirmed BFN. 0 HCG in my system, I guess that means no! ;-) I'm doing ok, actually. My worst grieving time is usually 1-2 days beforehand, when my HPT's give me the headstart. I've let this cycle go, and am ready to move forward. Knowing how bad this year has been, it's not altogether surprising that I'd get one last BFN before New Year's Eve, eh? Next cycle happens in a new year, and right now I'm trying to be very optimistic. :)
==================

First of all, congrats to Chronicles of Conception, they just had their baby boy today!

I was perusing Queerstork's blog today, and am borrowing her "Year in Review" list. I realize my responses are a bit depressing, but then again, 2008 was crappy. I am very optimistic about 2009!

I go in for a blood test tomorrow morning, to confirm the BFN. Let's assume it is, in fact, a BFN. If otherwise, I'll post something.

Now, for the Year in Review!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Tried to get pregnant. Saw what the inside of my uterus looks like. Organized a rally and volunteered at phone banking (Prop 8). I switched careers (left the sales world). Planned a funeral. Learned to knit. Also, went to a UCC Church.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I just wanted to get pregnant, but it didn’t happen. For 2009, I hope to get pregnant, to go to church more often, eat healthier, and get out of my funk.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth
Lots of people! I had four good friends give birth, as well as my sister.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. My Aunt died unexpectedly, and my grandma died a week later.

5. What places did you visit?
We went to LA/Orange County, Napa/Sonoma, Russian River. (Our travel budget is very small, due to TTC costs)

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Duh, a baby! And a more healthy body.

7. What day from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Watching my grandma pass away, as I held her hand.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?

We spent 8 months TTC, and I managed to not drive off a cliff from the insanity of bad doctors, tons of tests, HCG, SHG, hysteroscopy surgery, IUIs, BFNs, etc. (I came close, though) We also switched doctors and donors. Oh, and I transferred my job at work. Took a year to make that happen! Also, made a stretched-canvas art piece from Marimekko fabric.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not getting pregnant. Gaining 20 pounds.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, but I found out I have many recurring uterine polyps. Had to have them cut out, and they may grow back in a few months. ☹

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our Room & Board sofa. Also, the paint color that allowed us to add an accent wall!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Becky dealt pretty well with me, through the TWWs.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

My mom. I can’t begin to recount the things she’s said and done (on a consistent basis).

14. Where did most of your money go?

Sperm, fertility bills, and baby shower presents! ;)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

First few IUI cycles. Also, this most recent cycle post surgery. Had my hopes up. Also was really excited about opening some wine bottles, like a 1987 Cabernet, 1998 Cab, and a Silver Oak. Also very excited to see my friend’s baby girl just an hour after she was born.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
“Somewhere over the Rainbow” and “What a Wonderful World” by Iz.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
Sadder. Fatter (20lbs), and poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise, eating healthy, been more social, started fertility drugs sooner.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2008?

Fever and migraine at home. (Couldn’t take Rx because I was on TWW)


21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No.


22. What are your three favourite photos of 2008?

My cleaned out uterus...photo given to me after hysteroscopy.


23. What was your favourite TV program?

Top Chef, Girls Next Door, Jon & Kate Plus Eight

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?
Becky took me out for dinner somewhere nice.

25. What was the best book you read?

One Nation Under Gods (ex-Mormon book) & Big Book of Crosswords ☺

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

israel kamakawiwo'ole (“iz”)

27. What did you want and get?

Got to see KT Tunstall live!!!!

28. What did you want and not get?

A baby in mah belly.

29. What were your favourite three films this year?

Sex & The City. Pineapple Express. I think those are the only two movies I saw this year. (I’m a Netflix kinda girl)

30. Did you make some new friends this year?

I made a couple of friends at work. I retreated from some other friends, for no reason. Also, made some great e-friends through the blogoshpere. ☺

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I’m going to copy Queerstork’s reply and say “Two Pink Lines.” Also, if I had lost 20 pounds, and if my company had gone public.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Sweats and hoodies are my fashion.

33. What kept you sane?

My dog & my girl. Also, one of my work friends, and all of you! It’s been so great to be able to hope, celebrate and cry together.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Prop 8. Nuff said. Well, at Rick Warren being invited to give the invocation.

35. Who did you miss?

My Boston friends. Also, the skinny, happy, athletic person I was a few years ago.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Two friends at work, and all of you!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

No matter what the critics say, Mama Mia is a horrible movie! But seriously, I learned that we’ll have to go through life without any family to support us emotionally (or financially). We’ll just never have parents that want to be close to us, support us, and will ever feel genuinely happy for us. I learned that it’s pretty much impossible for me to lose weight. Ok, I have to end with something positive…so I also learned that it’s better to say yes more often than no.

13DPO. Another negative.

Took a different brand HPT this morning. Not even the faintest hint of a line. Sigh. I'll try once more tomorrow, per doc's instructions, but I think it's game over this time. Oh, but I did gain 3 pounds from the progesterone. Sweet! And it's good to know I suffered through the last two weeks with unmedicated migraines, all for nuthin' :( Will it ever happen for me?

12DPO. BFN.

Took another HPT this morning. BFN. Really starting to lose hope now. :(

Another month of progesterone bloating (and gaining 3lbs from it)..all for nothing!

I'll try once more at 14DPO. Really bummed today. Feeling like it's never gonna happen. Been 8 months now.

I Hate Fertility Friend

The new Pregnancy Estimator. Pfft. I started out at 29, then it dropped to 24, then 20.


Now it's at 16!!! So I hate FF. Anyone else?

Still no symptoms. Less and less every day now. The only thing affecting me is the excess progesterone; it always gets bad the final 4-5 days I'm on the suppositories. Today I was in a FIERCE mood, snapping at Becky, and then I just started crying for no reason. When progesterone gets me like this, I need to be exorcised. :)

On a lighter note, I'll leave you with three pictures of Snap from my cellphone. One is at the beach, one is his Halloween costume, and the last one is his new raincoat!

10DPO. Still nothing.

Nothing to report. The good news is my 3-day migraine is gone. I woke up on Xmas Day with migraine, horrible nausea and threw up about 10 times. At first, was excited, thinking nausea was a preg symptom. But it was the combination of codeine and Imitrex in my system. Last night after dinner had really sharp AF-type cramps in my uterus...I hope that didn't mean the end of my Maybe Baby. Other than that, just a few zits on my face/neck that I don't usually get. Really, I couldn't be MORE asymptomatic. Bbs feel fine. I've even stopped reading most TWW websites, as it's depressing to see all their symptoms.

So while I ride out the rest of this (likely) BFN TWW, I came up with some REVISED Xmas songs.

In our world, here is how some popular Xmas songs would be retitled:

1. "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Pink Lines" / (All I Want for Xmas is my Two Front Teeth)
2. "O' HPT, O' HPT" / (O' Xmas Tree, O' Xmas Tree)
3. "AF Might Be Comin' To Town" / (Santa Clause is Coming To Town)
4. "Jiggle Butt" (from the fat-creating progesterone) / (Jingle Bells)
5. "Oh Come, All Ye TTC'ers" / (Oh Come, All Ye Faithful)
6. "TaTas Roasting Like They're Both on Fire" / Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire) - I wish I had this symptom!
7. "The 14 Days of TWW" / (The 12 Days of Xmas)
8. "It's the Most Mindf---ing Time of the Month" / (It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year)
9. "You're a Mean One, Mr BFN" / (You're a Mean One, Mr Grinch)
10. "Frosty the Donor" / (Frosty the Snowman)
11. "Rockin' Around the BFP" / (Rockin' Around the Xmas Tree)
12. "What Symptom is This?" / (What Child is This?)
13. "We Wish You an Easy TWW" / (We Wish You a Merry Xmas)

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, & Happy Holidays!

===Update===
Caved in and did a $Tree HPT. Negative. I know I know, it's only 10dpo. I'll try again in a few days!

8 DPO. Nothing.

That's what I've got, it seems. I've been completely asymptomatic since Monday morning.

Got all excited when my bbs started to hurt, but that lasted 2 hours, 2 days ago... Now? Nothing. I did have a low grade fever again last night for an hour. No sore boobs. No metallic taste in my mouth. No nausea. No cramps or twinges.

Tell you what I DO have, though. A massive migraine. I skipped my half-caf yesterday and ended up with a massive migraine. I tried to power through it, but 6 hours later I had to take another Tylenol #3 w/codeine. that barely took the edge off. We went to a SJ Sharks game last night, and I tried doing anything that might help: I drank a coffee, ate a burrito (comfort food)....

I tossed and turned all night and finally at 3am, I took an Imitrex. That took the headache away, but now I already have another one!

So frustrating. I can't believe how much crap I've put into my body the past 48 hours: 2 Tylenol #3 w/codeines, Imitrex, and coffee. Just can't be good.

This TWW just isn't going well for me. On the upside, I've crossed the halfway mark!

===Update====
I broke down and took another Tylenol w/codeine. This headache is really, really bad. The Tylenol did absolutely nothing. I've had this headache for 2 days now, and it shows no signs of stopping. Pounding all over my head - have to cancel some xmas events. This is really horrible. I don't know what to do. I've already taken a pretty toxic combination of pills for a growing baby. :(

Dangit!!!

So today is 6DPO. I had a horrible migraine last night and took Tylenol #3 w/ codeine. (Doc said it was ok). Luckily, headache went away.

So get this. From 9am-11am today at work, the sides of my ta-ta's were ACHING. Way deep down. Didn't hurt if I touched them, though.

So I was all excited, right? Well after 11am it totally went away. Totally. No twinges to speak of today (in the ute). It's sad, but i actually wish my ta-ta's hurt again. All day long. That way, I'd feel like something's happening.

For those of you who had that achy stuff in your bbs, was it on/off, or constant? I wish I could feel SOME kind of symptom. :( I feel perfectly normal, except for the progesterone bloating.

5DPO Check In

I've made it to 5DPO, imagine that. :) So far no real symptoms, other than massive bloating from progesterone. Right now I still have the HCG shot and progesterone in me, so I'm sure that chemical cocktail is screwing with my head.

NO idea if these are truly symptoms, or just something else...
1) On/off twinges near uterus, belly button, sides
2) Hot flash last night
3) Sharp shooting pains down the backside of my left leg (below my bum). WTH? I haven't had this before, and the pains are infrequent, but annoying. Could be that I've been on the sofa watching a lot of TV. :)
4) Some deep aches in my bbs, that sometimes reach into my armpits. Oddly, my boobs don't hurt when I touch them, though. Still, I think a lot of this is progesterone suppositories.
5) Sharp pain on top of my head for a minute. I think this was the start of a caffeine withdrawal headache, though.
6) I had a dream I got a BFP last night.
7) 1-2 whiteheads on my face. I never get these.

Speaking of caffeine....everyone I know who got pregnant quit coffee/soda/tea cold turkey. Like, they drank NONE, not even decaf. I tried that before, but I get horrible withdrawal headaches that turn into migraines. For those loyal blog followers of mine, you know I get BAD migraines and need my special Rx to get rid of them. The Rx I take is supposedly really bad for fetuses, so I'm stuck between a rock and hard place.

I've decided to drink 1 half-caf a day. I get a tall St@rbcks half-caf, and that usually does the trick. I'm curious to get your thoughts, though. Did you all give up coffee in the TWW/pregnancy? Do you think 1 half-caf a day is ok? (Be honest) :)

Tough 45 days for gays

It's 4DPO, but I am trying not to obsess about symptoms. :) Instead, I wanted to post a short, but reflective commentary on the past 45 days.

The LGBT community has been thrown under the bus so many times recently, and I'm sure we're all a bit exhausted. Nov/Dec were really crappy for us.

Highlights:
1) Prop 8 ads in CA dehumanized the LGBT community, and were very hurtful
2) Prop 8 passed (eff you, 52% of CA)
3) Obama picks Rick-the-Dick Warren to give the inagural invocation. Rick was at the forefront of the Prop 8 campaign in CA. For us CA gays, especially, this pick rubs already raw emotions. I get "reaching across the isle," but there is NO NEED to pander to bigotry, Obama. Pfft. :(
4) US refuses to sign the UN Declaration of Gay Rights, which nearly all other developed countries signed. Suck it, US.
5) The Prop 8 supporters are now asking the Supreme Court to invalidate all 18,000 marriages that occurred when same-sex marriage was legal for 6 months. WTF! They got what they wanted with prop 8, but now it's just getting mean. Leave it to the right wing religitards, who believe SO MUCH in the sanctity of marriage, to actively try and divorce 18,000 committed couples.

I know this sounds bad, but I've had a lot of anger inside me lately. I feel like we just can't get a break. Not just the LGBT community, but also for Becky and I. (with work, financial situation, family) I sometimes tell Becky I hate everything and everybody these days - and that kind of anger is a poison. I do need to work on not internalizing this anger. The past few months, esp with Prop 8 here in CA, have been particularly damaging to our spirits. We've all seen the truly ugly side of humanity lately. And on top of all that, the one guy we fought hard to win, Obama, has sorely turned his back on our community.

I'm having a bit of buyers remorse about Obama right now. Anyone else?

On the upside, I love odd-numbered years. I have a lot of faith that 2009 is going to be a great year, filled with lots of amazing things. Maybe Prop 8 will be overturned by the CA Supreme Court. Maybe Obama will recognize the damage he's done to the LGBT community, and take swift action to instate a national hate crime law, repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and hopefully more. And maybe, just maybe, we'll have our little baby. :)

2DPO.......@*#@*&$(&^@#&!@T@#!!!!!!

The space time continuum has slowed to a crawl. How can it only be 2DPO. I spent about 5 hours last night googling every TWW page in existence. Twice. Not sure what validation I'm looking for there, as the earliest I could have symptoms is 7-10 days from now.

I.AM.GOING.CRAZY.

This is like, totally like, the longest TWW EVERRRRRR.

=====UPDATE #2=====
Oh great. The rep I support wants to take me (and another guy) out for a happy hour Monday night, to say thanks for all our help. He knows I drink like a fish, and now I have to come up with some excuse to say I don't feel like drinking????? When it's going to be super nice wine and he's paying? How focking awkward is this going to be. I can't blend into a crowd either; it's just three of us. god dammit, im so upset right now. nothing is going right today. :(

=====UPDATE#1 ======
It's 2DPO and I'm already losing faith. I got a little excited at first, because I've had a lot of creamy CM (which I THINK is unusual for me, after O). But then I read that early pregnancy signs are a high cervix. Well I just checked mine and it couldn't be lower. It's super low. :( How bad is it, that I'm losing hope at 2DPO???? That is going to make it a much longer TWW. Did any of you who had BFPs have a low cervix during the TWW?

Is it seriously only 1DPO?

*banging head on wall*

IUI#2...now we wait

I had IUI#2 this morning at 9am. 13 million motile swimmers. (Turns out I read the report wrong yesterday; we had 13mm motile swimmers then, too). Still, that's almost 3x improvement over our last donor!

RE had trouble getting the catheter in today, I hope that doesn't mean I ovulated yesterday and my cervix closed up. (More mindfocks) Today is CD15, and the IUI was 38 hours post trigger. (Although I triggered 2 days later than normal) Doc said a released egg can be fertilized for 24 hours, but that doesn't sound right. I've heard it's more like 8 hours? What have you heard?

Now we just wait. I have a feeling this will be a really long TWW. I wish someone could just tell me now if I'm preggers.

And they're off!

Just got home from the doctor. IUI#1 went something like this:

1:30pm: Arrived at RE's office 40 minutes early, so they could thaw the specimen. This arriving-40-min-early was their request.
1:31: Nurse took me to my room, and hands me the specimen analysis sheet. "Umm wait, I thought you weren't going to thaw it until I got here? This says it was thawed 2 hours ago." Nurse: "Oh, uh, yeah, it was thawed earlier this morning."
1:32: I panic and call Becky, who is at work. WTF - why did they thaw it hours earlier, when they know frozen washed sperm only live 6-8 hours? That ate up 25% of it's life!
1:33: Nurse says I can't have IUI until my bladder is full. Since I'm freaking out on time, I drink 4 Nalgenes of water in 5 minutes.
1:34-1:40: Drink copious water, keep texting Becky. IN FULL PANIC NOW ABOUT EARLY SPERM THAWING.
1:45: Bladder is FULL, nurse has me get undressed.
1:45-2pm: waiting, angrily, losing sperm life time
2pm: RE comes in, I ask why the sperm was thawed hours ago. "Oh, we always wash sperm in the morning. Since this needed to be washed, we had to do it this morning." "Wont that affect my chances?" "NO, not at all." "Well, how long do you think sperm last?" "About 6 hours." (Thinking: so you're saying I've now lost 2.5 hours, so about 40% of the time they'll be alive)
2:15: IUI done easily. She does a tummy ultrasound, comments on how full my bladder is (no shit!), and finds my follicle. I haven't ovulated yet (unless it simply filled up with fluid causing a cyst, which I get 50% of the time)
2:15-2:30 - I call Becky, read celeb magazines, and look at my lucky token items.
2:31: Get dressed, pee a bucket's worth in the bathroom, and leave.

So thanks to their morning thaws, I lost 2.5 hours of sperm life. The good news - this donor had 22mm count!!!! holy cow, that's better than our first donor with his lousy 4mm & 5mm counts.

I go back tomorrow at 9am for IUI#2. Please cross your fingers and toes for us! :)

Domestic & Anxious

Quick post - and I'll follow up with more later.

I did get a Smiley face last night (aka surge!), so I triggered at 7pm. Becky is a PRO now - I didn't even feel the needle going in! Of course, that could be due to the extra 10lbs I've packed on in the last four months. :)

My first IUI is 2:15pm today. Ok, now the mindfocks are in high gear. All yesterday, and especially last night, I had major twinges/cramps in my left ovary. Today? Nothing. Nada.

Now I'm worried that my surge was yesterday, and I managed to ovulate soon after. How come all the cramps have stopped? Is today's/tomorrow's IUI way too late? Did the Femara make me ovulate faster, after all? Today is only CD14. I just can't imagine I ovulated on CD13...even if I have a 28-30 day cycle.

I'm baking about 100+ cookies right now, no joke. I'm nervous, so I'm making 4 dozen Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookies, Peanut Butter Blossoms, and Double Chocolate Peppermint cookies. I'm going to bring them to work tomorrow. (I took today off)

pleasepleaspleasplease dont let my IUIs be too late. !! :(

Still no smiley face???

In the past, I always got my first positive OPK on CD13. Well CD13 is here, I'm just starting to detect early-stage EWCM..but my stupid digital Clearblue OPK didn't detect a surge yet.

However, when I looked at the stick, I could see that the test line was starting to get darker (compared to last night). I know my surges are often fast and difficult to detect....now I'm not sure if this is actually a positive for me?? Or perhaps it's not a positive yet, but will be tonight.

I've taken your advice to test twice daily, which is a good idea. So tonight at 7pm I trigger. Tomorrow I have a 10:45am appt for IUI#1, then Tuesday at 9am is IUI#2.

All things considered....do you think I should move my Monday IUI to later in the afternoon, or keep the 10:45am? If I trigger tonight, tomorrow morning seems too soon. But then again...if my surge is juuuuuuuust starting this morning (but not enough to detect on an OPK), maybe tomorrow morning isn't so bad.

Ahhhhhhhh, this is so frustrating!!!!!! I'm one month back on the TTC train, and I already need therapy! :)

=====Update======
My RE let me change tomorrow's IUI to 2pm, and then I have my second IUI the next morning at 9am. Of course, no matter what I do - I always wonder if it's the right timing. I feel HELLA sharp pains on my left ovary, which freaks me out, thinking I'm ovulating right now. But I've still got creamy CM (sorry, TMI), which tells me I probably have another day before ovulation. Right?

Is this a hint?

Look what arrived in the mail today. My "Baby Mama" DVD, and an "everyone-is-pregnant" celebrity magazine. (Yes, I subscribe to In Touch. Don't judge.)

I'm definitely sensing pre-ovulation signs right now. I did a digital OPK this morning and evening - both negative. I'm 90% positive I will get a positive tomorrow morning. If I do, I think I'll try to bump my Monday IUI to 9am, and schedule a second one for Monday afternoon.

What would you all do? My RE says if I get a positive OPK in the morning (on a weekend), to come in that morning for an IUI. I think that's way too soon. Instead, I'll come in Monday morning. I feel like it's better to schedule a second IUI for late Monday...versus Tuesday morning. That would be 48 hours post surge. Isn't that too late?

Dude. I'm 100% back on the TTC train now, and I'm remembering how awful the stress can be. I really just want it to be over, and have my baby in my arms already!

We went and looked at Xmas decorations with our friends (who just had a cute baby girl). It was great to hang out with them, and I got to practice changing my first diaper in years! :)

Well, we shall see what tomorrow morning's OPK brings...

Not quite ready yet...

I had my CD11 u/s today with my new doctor. As I predicted, CD11 was too early to trigger. Since this is my first month on Femara, we wanted to be careful, though, in case I ovulated early.

Doc said I have one big follie (17mm), and one medium sized one that didn't make it. She recommends I go to 5mg of Femara next month.

Here is the gameplan for the weekend:
Buy a digital OPK, and test Saturday and Sunday mornings (CD12-CD13). If I get a positive, they want me to come in for IUI#1 an hour later (too soon?), and IUI#2 the next morning.

If I don't get a positive OPK over the weekend, I will trigger Sunday night, then come in for IUI#1 on Monday morning, and IUI#2 on Tuesday morning.

Now it's just the waiting game! My worry right now - is that the OPK won't detect my surge (which has been the case in the past)...and I will miss my surge, and get two IUIs next week unknowingly too late.

Ah...all the TTC mindfocks are coming back to me now. How I missed thee. :)

Oh, My Achin' Ovaries

I finished my last Femara pill last night. This last 1-2 days, I haven't had any noticeable side effects. Right now, though, I'm having nonstop twinges/cramps in my left ovary.

Owwwwww.

Did any of you who took Femara also get ovarian twinges around CD8-9? Friday morning is my CD11 u/s, and we'll see what the dealio is. My Ovidrel HCG shot arrived today at work. For those of you who do HCG shots and your insurance doesn't cover them (like mine), have your doctor hook you up with Freedom Pharmacy. It's a mail order system.

I got my Ovidrel shot & overnight FedEx'd to me for $44 total! Includes the shot & overnight shipping. All this time we'd been paying $100 at the local pharmacy.

Owwwwwww.....another ovarian cramp just hit.

A Day in Pictures

Well - I just took Pill #3 of Femara. The past two days, I've had so much energy and little appetite, it's great! Today I felt more sluggish and hungry again. Darn. :)

Here are some pictures from today. Becky and I got our Xmas tree from a mom/pop farm in the Santa Cruz mountains, then on the way back, we stopped for some wine tasting. Here are some pics of the winery and our tree! (I am obsessed with taking pics of vineyards) Can you believe this is all 20 min from our condo??




Ok the one below is cheating. It was taken last weekend, at Ridge Winery - look at how purple my teeth are! it's a bad pic of me, but shows the lovely view.

Day 2 of Femara (Symptoms)

Well, it's Day 2 on Femara. Symptoms so far:

1. Hot flashes. (My cheeks turn beet red and warm)
2. Dizziness (occasionally)
3. Dry mouth at night, and some insomnia
4. Slightly MORE energy
5. Clammy hands
6. Really stiff neck and back

...and my favorite one...*drumroll*....

7. Loss of appetite! I really haven't been as hungry today, and even when I am hungry, nothing really sounds good. Who knows, maybe I'll lose a pound on these pills.

I just hope this turns out to be a safe drug for me to take. While doing a G0ogle image search for 'femara' - one of the results was of a 'femara baby' and it was severely deformed. gulp. I really hope and pray that Femara doesn't do that to my (someday) baby.

But back to lighter subjects, how about that loss of appetite, eh? Me likey longtime.

"Your ovaries look beautiful"

It's funny what constitutes a "compliment" in the TTC world.

Today I had my CD3 appt. I've never had an ultrasound while on my period, so I was somewhat dreading this. (I managed to get some pretty bad IBS all morning, good times) This appt was with my new doctor, at a totally new facility.

They had me remove my, ahem, feminine products, and sit on a potty pad on the exam chair. I waited for 20 minutes, and kept praying she'd come in soon. She did, and the ultrasound wasn't too bad. I suppose they see that stuff every day, right? I go back on CD11 for a mid cycle ultrasound.

So here's the good and the "ok:"

The Good:
- She said my lining looks good, and my ovaries look beautiful
- She had me start Femara tonight. She asked if I wanted to start with 2.5 or 5mg, and I opted for 2.5mg. I first want to see how I respond. She said my odds of multiples go up 10% with 2 pills, so I figure no need to rush into it.
- She said if the timing is right with my IUI, my odds could be up to 15%!
- She got me a good deal on Ovidrel. I've been paying $100, since insurance won't cover it. She helped me use a Rx by mail program, and it's only $44, including FedEx shipping!
- I feel like I'm officially on the TTC wagon again!

Now here's the "OK:"
- Friggin timing! It looks like my IUIs will be next Sat and Sun. They are only open a few hours in the morning which means my IUI's will be 24 hours apart. My RE agreed that ideal timing is late afternoon for IUI#1, then morning for IUI#2. The weekend hours leave a high possibility that I might ovulate inbetween the two IUIs....but the egg will deteriorate before IUI #2. So this is the only thing right now I'm really bummed about.

Overall, though, I feel a strong sense of renewed hope. I go back next Friday for my ultrasound!

Now starts the Femara. I took my first one 3 hours ago, and already feel flushed cheeks. ha. Joy. :)
-

Guess who arrived today???

Well no wonder I've been morose, constantly hungry, craving chocolate, and b*tchy! PMS! I was so worried I wasn't going to get my period this month, and lo and behold, Aunt Flo is HERE. (Seriously, I've never been so exited for my period to start)

I'm meeting my NEW RE on Thursday at noon, for my CD3 appt. New doctor, new donor, and new treatment (Femara). Now I just have to dust off my fertility monitor, start charting on FF, and remember how this whole TTC thing works again. I've forgotten so much!

Ew wait.....what exactly do they do on the CD3 doctor appt? I've never needed one, since I haven't taken Clomid/Femara before. They aren't gonna do an ultrasound, are they? Ewwwwwwwww, but I have my period! Tell me they don't do an ultrasound!

Period, Oh Period - Where are you??

I was supposed to start my period on Saturday or Sunday. Now I'm definitely late. I am so anxious to get this cycle rolling. I've been spotting for 3-4 days now, which makes me upset. I was hoping the hysteroscopy I just had, where they removed 7 polyps, would take care of the spotting issues. I guess I still have other problems, and my body is maybe as crappy as it was before? :(

I've never wanted my period to arrive so badly. Now I'm worried that the hysteroscopy means my period will be effed up this month - maybe just light spotting. How will I know if it's the real period? I'm all worried now that this cycle is a no-go. I can't handle another mindf**k right now.

Aunt Flo, your bed is made and dinner is on the table. Come over! Please!!!!

PS - 2008 still sucks for me. Just at the last month of the year, I'm getting this screwy cycle, and did I mention my grandpa had a heart attack two days ago? They did an angioplasty, and they think he'll hopefully have another 1-2 years. But damn, 2008 is really hitting me with a mean stick. :(
PPS - I'm hoping the fact that I've been starving all day, and am craving chocolate, and am crying is because I am starting my period tomorrow. One can only hope.