Tomorrow's shower

Today was Becky's sister's funeral. Poor B. It looks like she's hoping to catch a flight back tomorrow morning, so she may actually make it to the shower. It will definitely be nice to have her there.

In a totally unrelated note, I had to share this. So I work in advertising (sales), and have a deep appreciation for clever advertising. Check out this integrated ad (for "Lost") seen on Kayak. I love it! (And I wouldn't get on that flight if I were you) :)

Missing my B

Ok I don't feel as hormonal today. I am keeping my fingers crossed that B can be home for our special day, though.
it's hard running the house by yourself, 7 mo pregnant. man the last two days have been rough!

Hopefully just two more days till i see her! Me, baby and puppy all miss her!

You know how bad things happen in clusters?

Here's one for you:
1. I had a terrible migraine all day today.
2. My brother in law is getting deployed to Iraq.
3. Becky's sister passed away on Monday.
4. Becky has to miss her own baby shower.

We all saw it coming with her sister. Sadly, she's been addicted to drugs, severely anorexic, etc for decades. She almost died last year from a heart attack, and since then she's been a vegetable. She passed on Monday, and B flew out to MN Tuesday to help with preparations. She's still out there now.

The funeral is Friday, which would have worked out well (since the shower is Saturday). I found an early flight back Saturday morning, so she could attend her shower. It doesn't look like B's going to come back until a day or two later. I'm trying to be supportive and not push her buttons on it. I know she's dealing with a lot out there. I just can't help but feel bad. We had such a shitty two years, nothing to ever celebrate or be happy about. And now we finally have a few opportunities for OUR little family to celebrate happy things. And she won't be there for it. :(

I am so terrible. I'm hormonal and something leaked out during our chat today. "Well I dont expect you to be at the birth either. I'm sure some other thing will happen in your family and you'll have to miss our special day." Oops. Ugh. I was crying and hormonal and exhausted from this week. It slipped out, I swear. I just hate to see us robbed of sharing a happy moment together, after such a long painful journey.

Oh well. Sometimes life is shitty. I just need to accept that and get over it. (And yes, I'm ashamed to even think about myself/my wishes right now...that's why I'm trying to just shut my piehole and support whatever she decides is right)

==== Update===
So 30 seconds after I wrote that post, B called me back. She said she booked a flight out for Saturday morning. She may have to cancel it, but she's hoping to make it in time for the shower. Of course me being preggo and full of hormones, I started crying and I apologized for what I'd said, and that I felt so bad for saying anything at all, and it was wrong of me to add to her stress, and I should have been quiet, etc... I think she realized I was hormonal and told me it's ok and not to feel bad...and that she also agrees that she shouldn't miss big events in our little family's life. I just hope she's able to keep her flight! Man helluva night.

28 weeks - fat mama, fat baby :)

Had my 28 week appt today. They started with a non-stress test, since I hadn't been feeling much movement. It took the nurses 20 minutes to find the heartbeat. The baby moved, but didn't elevate in beats per minute the way they wanted...but they feel it's because she's still only 28 weeks.

Had a growth scan. Baby measures about on target, but she WEIGHS 3 pounds! Yikes. Normally you want 2 - 2.5lbs, so maybe I need to watch what I eat. I don't eat bad, but I guess I could be eating more veggies and salads, less carbs. I'm so worried about having a huge baby. 3 pounds at 28 weeks is on the highest end of "normal."

Baby is still breech, still hasn't moved an inch. I bet she's gonna be stubborn and never move.

Ummm, I've gained 7 pounds in 4 weeks. WTF! I know I was on vacation and all, but I mostly ate sandwiches. Really? 7 pounds? Even my super angelic new OB gently told me to keep an eye on my weight. He said I need to only gain a few pounds between now and next month, and that my eating is contributing to baby's weight. Ugh. I know he's trying to help, and I needed to hear it. I will endeavor to eat better. I bought a salad mix on my way home.

Now for pics! Here's a 28 week belly pic. I look fat and nasty, but whatev. And here's a pic of baby from today's scan. She's got her arm up over her head. :)

Oops!

I just deleted a post from yesterday. One of our blogger friends made an announcement on Facebook, and in all my excitement I posted a "Congrats!" on my blog. I didn't realize the announcement was only on FB, and not yet on their blog. Oops. :(

Let's give them a chance to post to the blogosphere. Hope I didn't spoil the surprise! (I think just a few people saw it, phew)

On a separate note, I wanted to wish Two Hot Mamas a congrats on their delivery! Can't wait for them to post more pictures!

Party in my belly today!

Yesterday baby was SUPER quiet all day, but I tried hard not to get panicked. Luckily I was rewarded!

Last night she had not one, but TWO major "cirque de soleil" stints in my belly. It must have lasted 30min-1 hour each. Big big kicks, rolls, punches. It was so fun! I never mind missing sleep when I get to spend that quality time with bubs.

The moving didn't stop today either. She was super active all morning, on/off from 9am-2pm. INSANE! She hasn't moved that much in weeks. Lots of big big movements still. I wonder if she'll be turning from breech to head-down soon.

Am I still concerned about some damage done from the heat? Yes, but these movements sure lift my mood considerably. You've all offered sound advice, and I will ask about checking cord blood flow at my scan next week.

IN OTHER GOOD NEWS: I passed my gestational diabetes test! Woohooo!

My anemia has gotten more severe, even while taking Ferrous Sulfate. Wow. At least baby takes what she needs, so that's good. They asked me to up my pills to 2x per day. You realize what this means. Two strong ferrous sulfate iron pills a day means I probably won't poo again until the baby is 3 months old. :)

Love my OB, still concerned about bebe, tho.

Damn I love my OB. (Altho I may be pushing his patience with my paranoia already, LOL)

He called me yesterday, SUNDAY, to see how I was doing. Holy crap, what doctor cares enough to call on his day off!!!! I wasn't around to get his call, but was so touched.

He called me again today (Monday) at 9am. He kept saying unless my body was on fire, there's too much insulation between my belly and the baby, and he kept reassuring me everything was fine. I explained that her movements are still SO little compared to before. I mean, isn't it concerning that she doesnt respond AT ALL even after a big glass of OJ, coffee, cold water, or even belly poking?

He told me I'm welcomed to do a non-stress test on my next appt. (Next Tuesday) He offered to let me come in this week, but I have a feeling we're about to get snowed in at Tahoe. (yippee!)

He talked me out of getting a Level 2 scan, he said they wouldn't be able to see much more (brain wise) than a regular scan. Since I already have a regular scan next week, I will have them check the brain one more time. (Altho he said you couldn't see damage in either scan)

I think he was little annoyed at how paranoid I am, but he was very calm and sweet. I wish I could just believe him 100%....but the distinct lack of movement for 1 week now prevents me from doing so.

Regardless, it's nice to have an OB who cares, listens, and doesn't laugh at me or judge me for my concerns. He is a godsend.

She's moving a bit more

Thanks so much for all your comments, I really appreciate the time you've taken to share your stories, offer some comfort, etc. Really grateful to have you gals here.

Baby's been moving a bit more lately. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's back to normal activity level, but perhaps somewhere between 30%-40%, depending on the day. Each little movement I feel sends fireworks through my heart, as you can imagine. It makes me so happy.

I left my OB's nurse a vm Friday afternoon, so I'm hoping maybe they will call me back Tuesday after the holiday. I'd be lying if I said I still wasn't worried. Her movement is still less than before - not normally something that would concern me, but the longest she'd ever gone with less movement was 24 hours...not almost a week. Plus she was SO active up until the morning of the incident, then it suddenly shut off like a switch for a few days. (Gradually increasing in movement in the past 2 days)

We'll see if he thinks a Level 2 scan would alleviate some concerns. Maybe they could rule out some potential issues? I feel silly asking for one, but maybe he'll be sympathetic to how desperate I am to cross out as many concerns as I can right now. :)

I'm glad the movement has increased in the last 2 days, and I hope it continues! (The paranoid side of me still wonders if even normal movement doesn't necessarily rule out that some brain tissue damage occured. Who knows)

For those of you who posted your stories (i.e. hot tubs, heating pads, etc)...I was curious if you can share when, in your pregnancy, those happened? First, second, third tri?

We're still in Lake Tahoe - a MASSIVE 6-day storm is expected to hit later today. We were supposed to drive home Wednesday, but that's smack in the middle of it! There's a decent chance we may be snowed in. Not the end of the world, of course. :)

It may mean I'm stuck in Tahoe for my birthday! (jan 23) PS - Puffer, I really hope your twins are Aquarians, too. We're a crazy bunch. :)

Thanks again for all the comments and comfort. Despite the potential outcomes, I do feel considerably less stressed right now. Yes, I worry throughout the day, but not to extremes anymore. Yay for keeping blood pressure down!

Speaking of...my blood pressure is so low. Last week it was 103 over 63. I guess low is better than high!

Back to paranoia again

Guys, I think something is really wrong. It's been 3 days now, and she's still only moving MAYBE 20%-30% of her previous activity level. It's so rare that I feel her moving now, and when she does, it's not the usual big kicks/punches I'm used to....they are tiny tiny movements.

I'm going out of my bloody mind with terror. She always gets active after I drink OJ or coffee, within an hour of eating, and especially when I am laying in bed at night. She used to do big kickboxing routines (up until the heating pad incident). Now? None. Never. I can drink a gallon of OJ, lay on my side for 3 hours...and I'm lucky to feel the tiniest little bubble of movement.

Every second of the day I am praying that she starts moving again. I foolishly tried googling, and lots of studies were saying how fetal brain damage causes decreased fetal movement. Great. Every waking second of the day, this is on my mind.

3 days! The LONGEST she'd ever gone with decreased movement was 12-24 hours. It's just tooooo coincidental that this started immediately after the heating pad. That damn pad was so hot, and my belly was so hot. Why the eff didn't I catch this sooner???? 45 minutes of my poor baby being absolutely roasted. At this point, I am shaking with fear, and starting to think I've really harmed her in some way.

Whatever has happened has happened, there's no going back. I think I may call my OB again today and give him the update. I wonder if perhaps he can get us a Level 2 scan next week to check the brain. Do you think a level 2 scan could detect types of brain tissue damage? Either way, maybe it can at least rule out things like hemmorrage, I dunno.

I've taken such good care of this pregnancy....and now through my own stupidity, I may have taken a perfectly healthy daughter and prevented her from living a normal, healthy life. I will never ever forgive myself if that's the case. How will I get through the next 14 weeks of pregnancy with this terror consuming me, I don't know. I just feel like a shell of a human being right now.

Update - feeling better, but not totally :)

Well I love my new OB. He told me to come in for a scan, so I'd feel better. (He wasn't too worried, but given the decreased movement - he said why not)

The scanner was so sweet. She showed me the perfect heartbeat, the growth was perfectly on track. Baby weighs 2lbs! Plenty of amniotic fluid. She let me watch the baby for a while. Baby yawned, it was so cute! She still isn't moving much at all, but slightly more than yesterday. I don't think she's ever gone THIS long (30 hours) without serious movement.

The OB (who I dub Doctor Warm Fuzzy)....tried to help me not worry. He said most likely there wasn't damage done. I just keep remembering that freaking hot heating pad, and I can't help but think baby suffered SOME type of brain damage. Guess I won't feel 100% confident until she's born! He didn't seem worried, though.

I feel maybe 50% better. She still hasn't moved much since it happened, and it's been so long now. I wish she'd bounce back to her normal self. That would bring me to feeling 70% better. :) I've been drinking lemonade, tangerine juice, eating some candy...nothing is getting her to kick like she used to. Come on little one, kickbox for mama!

More upset today

I'm still sick with worry about yesterday's heating pad on my belly for 45 minutes. UGH, so stupid! I didn't even notice it until it was too late. (The heating pad was sewn into a pillow on my lap/belly)

Baby really didn't move much at all (maybe one or two tiny kicks) all day yesterday, and all night. She is usually so active. All night long I tried my usual tricks - rolling around, laying on my back, drinking cold water...to get her to move. I think I felt one tiny movement, but that was it. Now I'm at work today and still waiting for her to move.

I dopplered and her hb is in her normal range. I am just worried about the lack of movement. I left a vm for my OB's nurse.

I will kill myself if I have caused any harm to our baby. I just want this worry to be over, and to know she's ok.

Oh boy, was that stupid!

So I had an intralipid treatment today. They offer these nice heated pillows to rest your arm on, so it doesn't get cold from the fluids.

I turned my pillow to high (just a habit)....and 45 minutes later realized the pillow was covering half of my belly! It has a heating pad on top and bottom, so the pad was right on the left side of my belly. Ugh. I freaked out and turned the heat off.

I know it's a major no no to put heating pads on your belly....and look at me, 45 minutes on HIGH. Poor baby. At least it was half of my belly, not all. I can't help but worry if I've caused some kind of brain damage from it. The baby is moving around which is good, but I worry more about the developing brain.

I called my new OB's nurse. She said "There probbbbably wasn't any damage done, but don't let it happen again."

Eeek, I hope everything is ok. Or I would never forgive myself! Next time I get an infusion I will definitely NOT turn on the stupid pillow. Ugh.

100 days to go!

I haven't taken a single day for granted, that's for sure. I hope the next 100 days bring us a healthy pregnancy, and BFPs for our dear blogger friends who are still struggling.

Big day just got better!

Wow, so many good things happened today.

1. We drove 2 hours to Sacramento and registered as Domestic Partners! I took literally 5 minutes for them to stamp it, give us our certificate, and send us off. So easy.

2. We then found a nearby Social Security office, where I legally changed my last name to Becky's. This took less than 45 minutes. In 7-10 days I should have my new SS card, and then I can change my name everywhere else.

3. For the first time, Becky read a book to my belly. She read one of my favorite childhood books, "Ferdinand the Bull." Baby kicked once and then was lulled to sleep by mama's voice.

4. In the middle of the book, she got a call from our OB practice. This is absurdly, improbable, and INSANELY good luck.....but they allowed us to switch to their most revered OB, Dr Silverman. I literally prayed my buns off last night, through tears, that they'd approve this. Normally they do NOT allow switches for any reason. Becky is my absolute hero!

Her coworker at work raved about him, and said he was the kindest, warmest, most gentle and compassionate OB, takes time to listen to fears, always makes sure you feel comfortable and safe, etc. Starting immediately, he is my new OB! I never thought I'd have a dude OB, but I'm sold on him.

Check out his reviews on Yelp!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/silverman-martin-s-md-los-gatos

We could not be happier. When Becky got off the phone, we were too stunned to speak. Once it sank in we had a HUGE hug and I started crying.

Right now this day can't get better. (Oh, and I did take one of my readers' advice, and left a scathing review of my OB on mybirthsurvey.com. mwa haha!)

Big day

Today (Wednesday) we both took the day off work? Why? Sing with me...
"Going to (Sacramento) and we're..
gonna get Domestically Partnered" :)

Yep, after 6+ years of being together, and the world's longest 5 year engagement, we are getting hitched. We don't have money yet for a formal wedding/celebration, this is just to tie up the logistics, so that B can be on the birth certificate.

By driving the 2 hours to Sacto, they can process same day. I am changing my last name over, so I'm hoping to make it to a local Social Security office to apply for my new card. So much to do!

Last night I had a nuclear meltdown of sobbing - from work, from the OB stress, from some daycare issues we ran into, etc. We're still trying to find an OB, but we're down to a few more attempts before all chances run out. Work is terrible - I never take time off, ever. I am finally taking a week off for our babymoon, and despite this, I found out i STILL have to work on my babymoon. Long story, but only I can do a particular work-thing, requiring me to work on my own freaking babymoon (and on 1/18, a national holiday!) I let it be known how unhappy I was, at the lack of respect for my own babymoon. I have no choice in the matter.

This just added to my already bad day, and I got home crying my poor eyes out. Becky gave me hugs and a massage, and I finally stopped crying. But now it's 4am and I've been awake for an hour with work-stress-induced insomnia.

And it means I will have super puffy cry eyes for our wedding day. Lovely. :) Well at least something GOOD is going to happen today!

You were all so right, I should have listened. :(

I've officially reached my last straw with my OB today. She is an absolute monster of a human being who provides NO support to my pregnancy, and invalidates every concern or feeling I have.

You may recall her famous lines from last week's visit. No? Let me give you a reminder. :)

1. After telling her my job is incredibly stressful to the point I go home crying, work 12 hour days, etc.
Her responses: "Just quit your job." "Well MY job is more stressful than yours, and when I get pregnant I'll work the entire time!" (PS I never asked to be taken out of work, I specifically said I just need some guidance). Lastly she told me "YOu just need to see a therapist."

2. After telling her some days at work are so stressful that I get terrible uterine cramps.
Her response: "It's just indigestion."

3. After telling her my symptoms hadn't gone away after 7 days of antibiotics.
Her response: "Well you may have another type of infection we didn't test for, but it's not worth testing."

4. After seeing I'd gained 18 pounds in 24 weeks..
"You're going to have a huge baby, and you realize you'll have to take all that weight off right?"

Well today I left a message with her nurse, explaining the bad constipation I've had. 5-6 days at a time, no bowel movement. I've taken Colace, fibersure, prune juice, etc. I asked what else might be safe to take during pregnancy, that's stronger.
The nurse spoke to my doctor and left me the following message, "Dr Neu*** said you need to meet your primary care doctor about this." *click*

So let me get this straight, I need to wait 3-4 weeks to get an appt with a PCP to ask what's safe to take during pregnancy for constipation? I left the nurse a message and said, "It's going to take too long ,and I'm out of town the next week. I simply need to know what's safe to take now."

I'm literally so upset that I'm fighting back tears at work right now. YOU WERE RIGHT! We should have switched OBs sooner. We went on a mad hunt for a new OB today. We called all the offices that had decent docs. Not a single one so far will take us. They won't take you after 22 weeks, so I missed the cutoff by 3 weeks. It's looking grim that we'll get a new OB at this point. We may be stuck with Dr. Monsterf***. This makes me so upset that I can't put it into words. After all the trauma I went through the last 2 years, she is now adding more stress to this pregnancy than I can handle.

I should have listened to you all months ago.

Tinnitus?

I woke up yesterday with terrible tinnitus, and it's still going strong 24 hours later. Has anyone experienced this in pregnancy? The ringing is constant and VERY loud. I tried to sleep with a white noise machine, but the ringing was even louder! It hasn't stopped at all, and I'm worried it will never go away now. :(

I've never really had tinnitus before - maybe for 30 min after a concert, but never for 24+ hours (and without cause). I wish it would stop.

Joyous New Year!

Our friends at Ultimate Gift finally received their long-overdue BFP! Congrats girls! I couldn't be happier for you. :)