Guys, I think something is really wrong. It's been 3 days now, and she's still only moving MAYBE 20%-30% of her previous activity level. It's so rare that I feel her moving now, and when she does, it's not the usual big kicks/punches I'm used to....they are tiny tiny movements.
I'm going out of my bloody mind with terror. She always gets active after I drink OJ or coffee, within an hour of eating, and especially when I am laying in bed at night. She used to do big kickboxing routines (up until the heating pad incident). Now? None. Never. I can drink a gallon of OJ, lay on my side for 3 hours...and I'm lucky to feel the tiniest little bubble of movement.
Every second of the day I am praying that she starts moving again. I foolishly tried googling, and lots of studies were saying how fetal brain damage causes decreased fetal movement. Great. Every waking second of the day, this is on my mind.
3 days! The LONGEST she'd ever gone with decreased movement was 12-24 hours. It's just tooooo coincidental that this started immediately after the heating pad. That damn pad was so hot, and my belly was so hot. Why the eff didn't I catch this sooner???? 45 minutes of my poor baby being absolutely roasted. At this point, I am shaking with fear, and starting to think I've really harmed her in some way.
Whatever has happened has happened, there's no going back. I think I may call my OB again today and give him the update. I wonder if perhaps he can get us a Level 2 scan next week to check the brain. Do you think a level 2 scan could detect types of brain tissue damage? Either way, maybe it can at least rule out things like hemmorrage, I dunno.
I've taken such good care of this pregnancy....and now through my own stupidity, I may have taken a perfectly healthy daughter and prevented her from living a normal, healthy life. I will never ever forgive myself if that's the case. How will I get through the next 14 weeks of pregnancy with this terror consuming me, I don't know. I just feel like a shell of a human being right now.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Back to paranoia again
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13 comments:
Oh Carrie, I'm worried about you! You are absolutely right that you can't tolerate worrying at that level for 14 weeks. The stress alone (coupled with the other stresses that come with your multiple diagnoses, not to mention your crazy job) could literally bathe you in non-stop stress hormones.
It would be wonderful if your new OB were willing to send you for further monitoring, of course, but... if he doesn't/can't/won't, it doesn't mean he's against you or uncaring. It might just mean that it's too early to tell.
I wonder if you can get connected with a compassionate therapist who can help you cope with your fears? It needs to be someone who will validate that you have real reasons to be fearful. I can tell that when people try to tell you "It's nothing," or "It will all be fine," that just makes them less credible in your mind and doesn't help you one whit. If you can find a therapist who will help you explore your fears from one step back, then devise strategies for lowering your stress response to them, your mind might get a much-needed break.
I recognize that it would be hard to squeeze in one more appointment to your current regime, and I also recognize that not all insurance plans cover therapy, but I hope to heckito that you can get some support. You deserve a break. Plus, all the strategies you learn may come in quite handy as you parent your daughter.
I've been a terrible comment-hog here. If you'd like to email me off-blog, please do. I'm happy to listen and share about my own therapy experiences and how they impacted my TTC/pregnancy process.
It could very easily just be a coincidence, but if you’re this nervous, definitely call the OB (that what they’re there for!). I know that monster of a last dr you had made you feel like you couldn’t ask questions, but new dr sounds so much better (more willing to listen to your concerns). See if you can get an extra scan, if only to alleviate your fears. You don’t need so much stress in the last part of your pregnancy!
Honey, you have what we call "doom voom" bc you driving past sanity right into worst case scenerio! The stress is worse for you and baby than a heating pad. I agree that contacting the doc may be good and be honest about your stress and anxiety- maybe you can get a Rx to help stablize your head? I am back on zoloft and it works wonders! Anything in a pregnacy can happen that is completely out of our control, but we have to have faith that things will work out as they are meant to. Much love and hugs and email or fb me if you need to!
You are absolutely and totally normal to worry to this degree. You have fought with infertility, a terrible doctor, a body that isn't fully participating and the loss of one baby already. When most people stress about their pregnancies yours will be 10x their levels because of what you have already gone through in such a small amount of time.
I know you want what is best for you and the baby. Know that stress raises your blood pressure and that of your tiny little girl. You certainly don't want to create a stress case in there so try and breathe and let your heart rate and fears come down.
I used heating pads in all 3 of my pregnancies. I had terrible ligament pain in my groin area and early contractions and would leave it on for long periods of time. I remember my wife waking me up in the middle of the night freaking out because I had fallen asleep with it on my stomach and it stayed there for several hours. ugh
I used to also take really hot long showers. also something I found out in the last pregnancy was like sitting in a hot tub. Well hell...I took showers because I thought the tub was bad and I was still getting too hot.
I think a lot of us have had the slow down in movement. I did and yes it would last for a week maybe a little longer. Right when I thought for sure things were bad....things would start banging around again. That little girl is growing like crazy in there. She is just going through a growth spurt and has probably situated herself towards your back. I know lots of people who barely felt their babies kick. And we've all heard the stories about the women who didn't even know they were pregnant until they delivered at 40 weeks. (seriously..I cannot understand that)
Keep listening to that doppler. That heartbeat is a strong and reassuring thing.
Keep those thoughts positive and clear that you are sending to that tiny little peanut in there.
She needs you to hold it together for her :)
Your fears will continue through this pregnancy....clear up until they lay her in your arms. You just need to decide how you are going to deal with this anxiety. Maybe get your doppler out and read her a book while you listen to her strong little heartbeat. Sing to her. Yoga. Listen to music that helps you relax.
I can't promise you that everything is going to be fine. Nobody can. but you are doing the best thing for this baby and that's all you can do.
Sending lots of positive kicky thoughts your way.
U can't feel her flip anymore because she is getting bigger in there and there is not much room left. It was the same with ava. They run out of room in there babe as they grow and the type of movement u feel changes.
Oh Carrie, you poor thing! I didn't comment before because I'm not a doctor or anything, but I had a similar concern during one of my pregnancies (in my case it was that I had pneumonia and a high fever that went up to 101.7 at one point--I had to get in a cold tub but had been sleeping [my bladder woke me up] and didn't have any way of knowing how long I'd been that hot) and the kid came out okay (in fact he's eight and on the fourth Harry Potter book, which he's been reading at a rate of one per week since I got him the set). I can't promise you it'll be okay either but I really don't think a heating pad that wasn't hot enough to make YOU terribly uncomfortable could raise the temperature inside your uterus enough to be harmful. Think about it--your blood was circulating between the heating pad and Baby, which would dissipate the heat some, plus the amniotic fluid moves as Baby moves, drinks, pees, etc. and if 101.7 is okay...I am NOT trying to dismiss your fears in the least, because decreased fetal movement at that point in gestation would freak ME out too, but I don't think the heating pad could've been that harmful. And I am a PROFESSIONAL worrier. As K said, of COURSE you're freaking out after all you've been through, but I am optimistic that maybe this is just, as another commenter noted, Baby running out of room in there. I don't think u/s could detect brain damage but it's worth asking about, and I think further close monitoring is warranted given the decreased movement. Fingers crossed!
I know that you are so very worried about your little girl... But, I think that the stress from you worring about it so much can be more harmful to her than the heating pad ever was. I'm sure that she's just fine, she could of just flipped around and she's moving in a spot that you don't feel as much?? There can be so many possibilites and reason for her lack of movement, I'm sure she's fine.... and I know your thinking "easy for her to say"...but, I really, reallly feel that she is totally fine.
It's hard. Keep your spirits up. Try to relax and just fill your belly with all the love in the world. I'll be thinking about you guys...
They go through growth spurts when they're a lot sleepier. Always worried me as well. I'm so sorry. It's insanely stressful and you have every right to worry.
Call your OB an get in to see him, just because I think worrying so much can be harmful too. I think the lack of activity is just the babe getting bigger and making tight quarters but you shoudl let your Dr. tell you that for sure.
Thinking of you.
Hi. I read your posts often but rarely comment. I will be crossing my fingers that you get another scan to ease your fears. I too felt a decrease in movement around weeks 25, 26, maybe later. My books and some of the sites I read online all suggested that consistent movement doesn't really start until around week 28, which is when my doctor asked me to start kick counts. To my surprise (and delight) babys movement has been more consistent since around that time. We received more interesting information last night at our first birthing class-the nurses informed us that the motions we feel and their intensity can very greatly depending on the position of the placenta and the ever changing positions of baby. Hope this helps. Keep your head up!
I'm so sorry you are stressed out. It sounds unbearable. I hope you get to talk to your OB soon, and that your fears can be calmed. Take care:)
Carrie, I know how it feels to worry yourself SICK...I ended up in the hospital several times during my pregnancy doing this to myself. I took really hot showers like KJ and then found out it was a no no. One day I took my temp and it was 102! I freaked out. The dr gave the baby a non stress test and she passed and I felt a million times better.
Also think about, a lot of preggos go to the beach, lay in the sun ect. The belly GETS HOT. but inside there is protection for that little one and it would take much more than that to cause damage.
I had severe anxiety in my pregnancy which only lead to more anxiety when she arrived.
I just want to hug you I know exactly how you feel.
I think you should call your OB...do they have you doing kick counts each day on a sheet? You should do it and see if there are patterns so you can report back to them. Its a just in case kind of thing...and I say call them because THEY CAN HELP EASE YOUR MIND...you have to tell them you are really upset because that can lead to stress, high BP and pre-eclampsia....I was right there....
PS dont beat yourself up so much! we all make mistakes and thankfully most are forgivable and can be forgotten...
Here from the L & F. My son stopped moving at full term and was distressed. It's kind of hard to tell if decreased movement at this stage is distress- because this is the point of pregnancy when you would start doing kick counts anyway.
Being insane with worry does neither of you good, though. It never hurts to call and ask for a Level II. If they say yes, I recommend making sure they check a bloodflow through the cord. It's what I never thought to ask for when I had my BPP done.
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