Big milestone!

Samantha turned 1 year old today! I don't know what's more remarkable; that she survived her first year of life, or that WE did! LOL. We had a great day - went to storytime, played in the kid section at B@rnes & Noble, she ate her first cupcake (and loved it), and had lots of sweet playtime before bed. Becky took the day off work, and it was so nice!

Thank you for all the feedback on my previous post. I will definitely talk to her pedi on Monday. It could all just be a phase that she'll outgrow.

On the PLUS side, here are more behaviors she has (that would hopefully contradict a possible autism dx):
1. She is VERY verbal. Just babbles still, but talks all day long.
2. Makes eye contact fairly often.
3. Always points to things, and waves bye bye to people. I know these two are very important. She points at things all the time, and tries to communicate that way.
4. She can play by herself for a while but also likes being around me. She will get very upset if I leave the room sometimes, as she wants me to be close by.
5. She is very engaged with people. She always smiles when smiled at, she will giggle and laugh when tickled, and is a complete flirt with strangers.
6. She doesn't get fixated on things for long periods of time. Yes, she points to the ceiling fan and likes it when i make it move, but after 10 seconds she looks away and loses interest.
7. About 80% of her tantrums are getting dressed, diaper changes, and getting into car seats/stroller. I imagine that is normal for toddlers. She does still get very tantrum-y at other times, but if I pay attention, they are largely during those aforementioned times.
8. She still does NOT respond when we call her name over and over. that part is annoying. However, I don't think she's entirely in "her own bubble." If I say "clap clap!" she immediately looks over and starts clapping. if I say "elm0" she looks over and crawls to the living room TV. Maybe she just has selective hearing, maybe she still doesnt know her name because we only started using it a few months ago. (We always call her bubba, bubs, baby, etc)
9. Overall she is just a very social baby. I know that with autism, babies can be in their world all of the time, not point or wave, not smile when smiled at, etc. I mean, she can/will play independently for periods of time, which is great. She can read books for 15 minutes by herself and be happy.

I am praying that the weird behaviors are just that- weird, but not anything permanent or that we need to be overly concerned with. Then again, maybe she is on the mild end of the autism (or some disorder) spectrum. She definitely has a strong personality and will scream in any public place if she doesnt get her way. I am trying really hard to be patient, and try to see what she is pointing at, or what she may want. I hope she starts speaking soon, and in the meantime I am signing her up for a sign language class.

Keep the comments coming, I always appreciate hearing from you all! xx

Weighing on my mind

I don't want to sound like a paranoid mom, but sometimes I think something's "not right" with Samantha. I'll ask her pedi about it on Monday, at her 12 month appt. In general she's a happy baby, but here are some behaviors that I've noticed:

At 1 year old:

1. She still does not respond to her name. She can be sitting 3 feet away and I'll call her name over and over and over, and 9 out of 10 times she won't respond. It's like she gets in her little world and doesn't hear me. I don't think she has a hearing problem. She can be halfway across the condo and go running for the TV if she hears "Elmo's World." She will also jump if she hears a loud noise in another room. I keep reading that not respond to one's name by 1 can be autism. ugh.

2. She HATES being held. She's always been this way. She constantly moves, she can't sit still for a nano second. Always moving, and has never liked to be held, kissed, or cuddled by us. Only on rare occasions will she let us hold and kiss her for 5 seconds. This also came up as a sign of autism. (according to Dr G00gle, that is) :)

3. Is not affectionate 90% of the time. Similar to #2, she refuses to give me a kiss. She shakes her head and will rarely give me a hug or kiss. When reading her books, she will freely kiss each picture of animals, though. I feel like she hates me.

4. She throws violent tantrums almost every 10 minutes. It's put me on edge, to where I don't know if I can be a stay at home mom. It just doesn't seem normal, the degree to which she throws tantrums. She will shake her head, throw herself backwards, flail her arms, put her hands in her mouth, scream SO LOUDLY that people have actually gathered around me in public places. I swear they thought I was beating her. She throws massive tantrums so often, and seems so moody. Again, these came up as possible signs of autism or aspergers. Of course, she could just be a normal tantrum prone 1 year old.

Have any of you experienced these things with your 1 year olds? I'm afraid to ask her pedi, because I'm afraid to hear "yes, she may be autistic." I would be so devastated. I want Sam to be a happy, functioning toddler. The things above just make me think SOMETHING is going on that isn't right. I don't know..... :(

OUCH. This move is gonna be hard.

Moving to Seattle!

Yep, moving to the land of overcast skies and rain - but also lush foliage, good skiing, microbrews. (My kinda place!) Becky's employer is transferring us to their Seattle/Kirkland office, since her team is based there. We have mixed feelings, but in the end I think it will be a good thing. I won't lie, we will dearly miss the warm sunny days of the Bay Area. It's 65 degrees and sunny today, in winter! We will miss our friends, and all the fun things to do here. It's hard starting over somewhere. It takes a while to settle in, make friends, and get your general bearings. ("Where's the nearest Whole Foods and Home Depot?")

Luckily, a few bloggers I've followed for years are up there, and have offered a warm welcome. It will make a WORLD of difference to have "just add water" friends up there. Looks like we're moving sometime in September!

Now onto other subjects:
1. Samantha turns 1 in a week. Holy crap, that went by fast. I just booked her party venue today at a local toddler gym. She had so much fun at the class today.
2. The stay at home mom thing is getting really hard. Sam throws terrible tantrums every 10 minutes, and she knows how to push my last buttons. A few times I actually yelled at her, and felt really bad afterwards. I realized that I have taken NO time for myself. I never get babysitters, never go to the gym, never take even an hour to myself. I am always always always attached to her hip, and it's not healthy. I signed us up for 3 classes a week, so that we can get out of the house and have pleasant time together. I am also going to have a babysitter come by for 3 hours once a week so I can see a movie, sleep, etc. A lot of people I've met have relatives who watch their kids during the week - I wish I had that luxury! I'm just worn out from 3+ months of 24/7 mommy duty.
3. We are trying for #2 soon! Becky is preparing for an IVF cycle. We're hoping it will work, although we have a few challenges. She has PCOS, is fairly out of shape (we both are!), and we only plan to transfer 1 back - which, at her age of 37, minimizes chances of success. We realized that we could never do selective reduction if she got pregnant with twins, and we are NOT about to become a 3-kid family on one income. (BTW I hold absolutely NO judgment for those who choose selective reduction. Honest!)

So there you go: Seattle, 1st birthday, and IVF. :)

Ear infection #9

Nope, I'm not kidding. Samantha is on her 9th round of antibiotics in 5 months. She has had ear infection after ear infection. I quit my job and took her out of daycare, but she still gets them. She gets them without even being sick. Her ears must be so poorly designed, that they just can't drain. We even had ear tube surgery recently, and she's had 3 infections since then. Sigh.

We go back next week to see if her adenoids and tonsils need to be removed. They may be blocking the tubes. I feel so bad for her. Antibiotics hardly even work on her anymore, and she's not even 1 year old.

Speaking of birthdays, we are planning her 1st birthday. Can you believe she's almost 1! We may rent a Gymb0ree, just so that we can have some friends over. Our place is too small.

sam is a ball of activity. She is super sweet, but lately she also throws at least 30 tantrums a day. She throws her head back, screams at the slightest thing, hits the dog, picks things up and throws them... is this normal for an 11 month old? It's like she's hit the terrible twos and then some!

We spent a week down in SoCal visiting family. She was so brave at Disneyland, didn't cry on the rides!

Ok picture time!

Still here!

Ok that was a ridiculously long time without posting. Things got really hectic around mid-November. As in - our house almost burned down and we came "this close" to suing our HOA. (Since it was their fault)

Here is the super quick run-down from mid-November to now:
* House almost burned down mid-Nov.
* We lived in temporary hotel housing for over 6 weeks, while our house was repaired
* Had baby's first xmas in a hotel. We made it fun. :)
* Gave my notice at work on Jan 3
* Moved back home in January
* Been unemployed and doing the stay at home home mom thing for 5 weeks now. It's kicking my ASS.

I'll start posting again more regularly. I have the worst cold/cough/chest infection of my freaking life right now, so am living on the sofa. :)

Here are some pictures from the last month!

Stupid Medela Pump!

My pump stopped working today. After just 7 months. After praying to the gods of overfull boobs, it started working....although it's on the brink of dying. It stops every so often.

I just bought this POS 7 months ago, how can it be dying on me. Will Medela send me a new pump? The thing is, I don't have 2-3 weeks for them to send one. I need one asap. I feel like I'm gonna have to go buy another one for $300...just to get through the last 4-5 months of pumping. damn.

Any suggestions?