Birth Story (& Photos)

I can't believe Samantha is 11 days old now! It's been a very exhausting 1 week since we came home from the hospital. The main issues for me have been breastfeeding, and my spectacular failure at it. (More on that in another post)

For now, I wanted to share my birth story for those who are interested. I've read all of your birth stories, and they were so helpful to me. I'm happy to pay it forward. For me, the c/s was pretty traumatic - not what I'd anticipated after watching all those Baby Story episodes where the mother is very lucid and calm during the procedure.

I'll also attach a few pics I took from my iPhone! (We have about 1,000 pics from our new camera, but I'll have to sort through those and pick the best for another post) :)

Birth Story:

Wednesday April 7th. I had decided that Thursday (the next day) would be my last day at work before leave. I decided to work from home on Wednesday - and how lucky I chose to do that! I was miserably uncomfortable all day, and I just felt like something big was going to go down soon. Even my dog seemed to be taking care of me.

At 4:45pm, I felt the urge to pee. I went to the bathroom, was good about emptying my bladder. I stood up from the toilet, took 2 steps, and GUSH! I was confused at first. I thought maybe I hadn't emptied my bladder? When I looked down at the sweats I was wearing, they were covered in liquid. (About 2 cups worth) I quickly noticed I was still leaking, and stood over the toilet. I looked down and saw white flecks in the toilet bowl. A sure sign that this was not, in fact, a second bladder in my body. this was my water breaking! I also noticed tiny blood clots, and blood tinged water.

I tried to remain calm. I called my OB, and they said to come to the hospital immediately. I called Becky, but she was at the gym at work. I got her voicemail. I was so upset, as we'd agreed she'd always have her phone with her from now on. My OB said not to wait for her, and to come now. I called my other friends who work with Becky, and begged them to run to the gym to get her. It turns out she did have her phone with her, but didn't hear it ring. She got my voicemail and called me back 5 minutes later. Without showering, she jumped into the car and took the carpool lane down to the hospital! (Poor B had to watch her daughter being born while she was all stinky and sweaty. haha)

I gathered a few things, and still remaining calm, I updated my work OOO email. I even IM'd with a few people to let them know this is it! I got into my car, and then the nerves kicked in. I was pouring liquid out of my cooch, and it was now quite bloody. I called my sister to ask if this is normal. She said she never had much blood in the liquid, but she'd heard it was normal. My heart started racing, and things began to blur.

I got to the hospital and waddled inside as quickly as possible. It felt like everything was spinning around me. Plus I was starting to leak through the ginormous pad I'd put on. I got to L&D and checked in. They needed my ID and insurance card, and I was so upset. I'd already registered and was so nervous, why did they need all my info again???? Finally they took me to a room and hooked me up to a monitor. I got into the gown and showed them my bloody pad. They said that was normal. I heard baby's heartbeat and felt better. Right then Becky arrived. I was so happy to see her, I cried a little out of relief and nerves.

Nurse asked me a ton of questions, and I honestly felt like I was having an out of body experience. Water broke at 4:45pm, and it was now 6pm. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the run-down on getting a spinal. I just nodded, my brain too consumed with the newness/reality of having a baby. PLus I started having contractions, and they HURT!!!!!! The weird moment happened when he said "Ok, well we should have your baby delivered in the next hour."

I started shaking. Hard. Becky asked why I was shaking, was it too cold? I said I didn't know. I felt like there was nothing in my brain, and I was so scared about the "no going back now" scenario. I was about to have major surgery as an emergency, versus on Sunday, as scheduled. I didn't have time to mentally prepare. My body started going into shock, the shaking got worse, and things went downhill fast.

Becky got into her scrubs, and they walked us to Operating Room 1. I felt like I was going to pass out from nerves. They had me get on the cold operating table. It was surreal to have all these bright lights on me, people in blue scrubs and masks walking around talking, and seeing tray after tray of medieval looking cutting devices.

My OB came into the room (Becky had to wait outside during the spinal). He tried to be very soothing, but I kept starting to cry. I just wanted everything to stop, and to just go to sleep. Things were moving too fast, and I was going into worse shock. The anesthesiologist explained each step of the spinal, and I felt him brushing cold stuff on my back. My OB held my hand and kept wiggling it, telling me to just pay attention to his hand. I had my eyes closed and head hanging down. I was in so much pain from the contractions, and my body wasn't handling the shock well. The needle hurt going in, and it went in several times. I wouldn't say it hurt more than getting an IV in your hand, but it hurt.

Once the spinal was in, they had me lay down on the table, my arms outstretched to the sides. I saw an IV dripping, and the anesthesiologist's face over mine. He explained that I was hyperventilating, and that I needed to slow my breathing down. My body was shaking so hard that I thought I'd shake right off the table. I kept wiggling my legs and toes, and repeatedly told them I'm not numb! I'm not numb! My big fear was that they'd start operating and I'd feel it. I kept half crying that fear to them, and they assured me I wouldn't feel anything. Again and again I'd wiggle my legs and feet, and cry out that I wasn't numb. Becky was allowed in and came to my side. She held my hand, which provided some comfort. I wasn't able to turn my head to see her, I was THAT worked up with anxiety. I physically couldn't move. I was breathing really fast and hard, and they kept telling me to calm down. My hand was shaking so hard as Becky held it. I thought for sure my legs and torso would shake so hard during the procedure that they'd cut into some organs. I felt as though my body were seizing uncontrollably, it was truly the worst feeling. This definitely wasn't the sweet, calm setting I thought my daughter would be born into.

They quickly put up the blue curtain so that I could no longer see what was going on. All I saw was blue. My heart REALLY started racing here! I was like OMG OMG OMG OMG THIS IS IT. NO NO I'M NOT READY! Again I cried out that I'm not numb, and I was whimpering like a kid. I could hear the docs saying how panicked I was, and that I needed to calm down. Suddenly I started to feel my legs and feet go slightly numb. Five minutes passed by, and they only felt half numb. Almost like pins and needles. It never got more numb than that. I could feel them putting things on my stomach, and that freaked me out more. if I can feel utensils on my belly, I'd certainly feel cutting! This just added to my anxiety. Next my lungs began to go numb. I could faintly feel myself breathing, but it was enough to (yes, again) make me more anxious.

"We're going to get started now." What??????? Shaking, I again wiggled my legs and feet. Yep, I could still feel a decent amount of sensation. This was my worst nightmare. My anesthesiologist's face appeared over mine, and I asked him not to leave. "I'm not going to go anywhere, I'm going to stay right here with you." He told me I won't feel anything, but I argued with him. He made some short conversation about what we're naming our baby, how much hair I think she'll have. I was so irritated, I didn't want small talk, I wanted to stop feeling my legs move! Next thing I knew, he looked over the curtain, and back down at me. "Well, they've already gotten started. If you were going to feel something, you'd have felt it by now."

So apparently with a c/s, you can still feel your lower region moving - yet somehow not feel pain. This was difficult to process. I imagined I would be numb-numb, like getting a cavity filled numb. I just closed my eyes, and hoped it would be over soon. I could hear the docs talking, but it was all fuzzy. I worried that at any minute I'd feel cutting. Suddenly my torso started twitching very hard all over. LIke they were putting a defibrillator on me. My OB said that is because they are cutting through my abdominal muscles, and it's causing them to spasm.

After what felt like HOURS (but really 5 minutes), I heard the big words "Ok you're going to feel some pressure now." I knew this meant they'd cut through everything, and that now they had to push her out. I felt tremendous pressure on my chest cavity for about 90 seconds. I thought for sure his co-surgeon was going to break every rib. It made my breathing difficult, almost impossible for a few seconds. Apparently my OB was about to get a vacuum extractor since she wasn't coming out. Right then she came out, and I felt a huge relief. I could feel all the pressure gone from my belly.

I heard a loud cry, and I knew she was ok. Becky stood up to watch her being born, and was awestruck. I think the first thing she said was "Wow, she has a lot of hair!" I was saddened that they didn't show her to me over the curtain, and the nurse walked out of the room briskly with her - I never got to see her. :( Having said that, I was still in such shock and shaking so hard, that I was too out of it to really have noticed anything. Becky left the room to follow the baby, as we'd decided earlier. I was left in the room for another 20-30 minutes, while they stitched me up. Becky came back in about 10 minutes later and said Sam was great, scored a 9 on the Apgar scale. Eventually the baby was brought to me, and I got to say high. Wow, she DID have a lot of hair! She even has some on her forehead. haha. (I'm guessing that comes off after a while?) She was just beautiful, and I immediately could tell she had my mouth and nose. I couldn't wait to hold her later.

Talk about a fast procedure. I walked into the operating room at 7pm, and she was born at 7:15pm! 7lb, 6oz, 19" long. Cute as a button.

They finished stitching me up, and took me to the recovery room. I was STILL shaking so hard that my arms were bouncing all over the place. We were in there for about 1-2 hours being observed. Becky got to hold Sam next to me, and we took some pictures. I declined the offer to hold her. As much as I wanted to, my uncontrollable shaking and completely delerious/drugged up state made me too nervous to hold her. I thought I'd drop her by accident. I was perfectly content watching Becky adore her next to me. I knew I'd have plenty of opportunities to hold her. My OB said his goodbyes, and finally the nurse gave me some anti anxiety medication, and my shaking stopped within minutes. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. :)

Soon after we were transported to our final destination...the Mother/Baby unit. We loved it there. The nurses were so sweet, we felt taken care of. It was such a magical 4 days there, I was actually very sad to leave and go home.

So that's the birth story. It's not quite as sweet as some of the ones I've read. haha. Mine was unfortunately traumatic, but you know what..... 1) I'm sure there are other people out there who've had similar experiences; 2) In the end, I was totally fine. It was an hour of panic but it was soon over and I was able to enjoy my baby. And I would do it all over again - c/s amnesia. :)

Things have been very rough since we came home last Sunday. I can handle the 3 hours of sleep, the poopy diapers, the lack of showering, etc.. The hardest thing has been the breastfeeding. I've had a truly miserable time trying to get it work, and all my grand plans of "I won't supplement with formula, I won't bottle feed in case of nipple confusion, I won't use a nipple shield..." all out the window. I'm losing the battle with breastfeeding. When I use a nipple shield it's great! I know it means production slows down. My supply was terrible at first (1/4oz per side, when pumping), but thanks to Fenugreek, I'm now pumping 1-2oz per side! It's so much easier to bottle feed her expressed milk, and to also try with the nipple shield. Right now I try raw boobie at first, then assuming that fails (which it does 90% of the time), I switch to the nip shield. then Becky bottle feeds her expressed milk while I pump. I pump every 3 hours religiously.

Perhaps in a future post I'll write more about my bfeeding issues, and I'd love to hear from all of you!

Now for some pictures! these are from the first few days: