Sam turns 12 weeks on Wednesday. I can't believe it.
We did some traveling earlier this month - went to Santa Barbara for a few days. Sam did great - no meltdowns! Yesterday we took Samantha strawberry picking at a farm. Course, she slept through it all, but it was a fun family day. :)
Quick update!
Sleeping:
Sam sleeps from about 9pm-3am now (give or take). After that, she only sleeps about an hour or two if we're lucky. Hope that improves.
Flat Head:
Eh, still there. We're trying to hold her more, but it's hard to hold her all day, even with the baby carriers.
Pumping:
I pump 5x a day, and get about 30-32oz. My mastitis and thrush are finally gone, so nips only hurt a small amount. Phew.
Maternity Leave:
Lately, I've taken a huge interest in learning to cook. I'll watch Food Network then make a recipe. Tonight I'm making turkey meatloaf with feta and sun dried tomatoes. Yumm. I am really dreading going back to work, more than I can express. If I think about it too long, I cry. I don't want to leave Sam at daycare...and that, plus my long hours and 1 hour commute mean I'll barely see her at all. I even worry that she'll forget I'm her mommy...and will feel no sense of connection to me. I'm just some lady that gives her a bath before she goes to bed.
Post Partum Body:
I'm sinking into a bit of a depression about this. Everyone I know at work (and many outside of work) immediately bounced back to their pre-preggo bodies. Granted, most of these women are like a size 6. I was a TIGHT size 12 before I got pregnant. Probably really a 14 if I'm honest (after 18 months of fertility drugs). I thought for sure I'd get close to my pre-preggo body by fucking 12 WEEKS. No. I've only lost 20 of the 35 pounds I gained. I've been hovering at that last 15 pounds for 10 weeks. Yes, 10 weeks. I worked out 6x last week, ate really healthy, only had a few not so good meals. What happens. I fucking gained 1/2 lb. Only my fat as fuck self could gain weight post partum.
Pardon my language...I just get really angry with my body. I've always been the kind of person who is bigger boned, gains weight rapidly despite being healthy, and can't lose a pound. We did Weight W@atchers at work a few years ago. I was the ONLY person in the group who didn't lose any weight on it...and I stuck to the program like my life depended on it. So knowing that I'm now 15lb heavier than my pre-preggo weight, and seeing the scale not moving an inch...I'm realizing that THIS is my new fat as fck body. (Disclaimer: my hatred for my size is only because I'm comparing it to how I used to look prior to fertility drugs. Whether one starts from a size 2 and goes to a 6, or starts from a 12 and goes to a 20, etc..... feeling your body expand in all directions is so upsetting. I'm definitely not saying a size 14, 16, or 20 is fat, its just that I feel fat because it's 4-6 sizes larger than where I started. it's all relative, i guess!)
then I keep hearing about c-section bellies, how they rarely go away. My belly looks 6 months preggo. what.the.fuck. I can't fit into one piece of pre-preggo clothing. Not one.
Not one t-shirt.
Not one underwear.
Not one pair of jeans.
Not one pair of shorts, not even my XL super baggy ones.
Nothing. My sense of self confidence and mood is largely dependent on my body image. I've always been that way. Let's just say I'm sinking to new lows right now. (Disclaimer: despite all of this, I am so in love with my daughter and would do it all over again, body-to-hell and all)
Monday, June 28, 2010
12 weeks!
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7 comments:
the body thing takes time. it really does. and 12 weeks is not enough.
i can relate to how you feel, but a year out, i have a far better outlook on it, and things did go down. your stomach will get smaller. it just takes time.
Keep your chin up chica :) It sounds like you are doing all the right things so I'm sure that if you stick with it, you'll see the results you want. Unfortunately, for those of us who seek more immediate satisfaction (holy cannoli do I hear you on that!), the change of time without the change in body sort of, well, sucks. :)
Hang in there!! We're rooting for you!
Start giving her some tummy time while you're in the room with her. It'll help strengthen her neck muscles and you'll notice the flat head will go away.
I totally understand. All but 15 pounds came off in the first few weeks, then that last 15 is stubborn as hell and will. not. leave. Some of us unlucky ones can't get rid of that last 15 while breastfeeding. It drives me crazy to see the ladies who lose ridiculous amounts of weight while bf-ing, and have these ginormous boobs and skinny body. Sigh. It will come off. It just takes awhile and may not budge until Sam is weaned.
I had a c-section too, but I am not a good example, because I had a belly before I was preggo, so I can't say if it goes away or not. I wore maternity clothes for a while once I went back to work. If you can, buy a couple new "transition" outfits for when you go back to work. It will make you feel better.
Sam is beautiful! You are very blessed. I'm so glad things are going well with her. The body thing will be ok. At least you are trying. At least you are eating healthy and working out. That is the first step. Give yourself a break. You've been through alot.
Twelve weeks is not much time at all. I can certainly understand being frustrated, but try to go easy on yourself. It is challenging to lose weight at all, let alone when you're not getting enough sleep and caring for a baby. And the belly? Well, most women I know who have had babies have difficulty getting their bellies back, and many I know consider their postpartum bellies badges of honor. Those bellies housed our babies! I know it's hard to look at it that way, but give yourself some time. It will get better. All of it.
That said, I'm sure you've done this, but have you had your thyroid levels checked lately? There is a postpartum thyroid issue that can occur in some women, and I know it makes it harder to lose weight. It wouldn't hurt to have it checked out if you keep having trouble.
I didn't bounce back easily either. I think it took a good 6 months before stuff fit and it's still not as comfy as it was before getting pregnant :( You're not alone!
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