What do you think?

Sorry I've been MIA. This birth control thing makes life really nice. I am remembering what it's like to not be TTC-stressed all the time.

First, the good news - I bought a 2008 Rav4 on Sunday! My 1998 Altima is on it's last leg, so I used up all our IVF money to get a Rav4. Didn't want to spend our IVF savings, but I DID need a new car badly.

TTC news:
My RE wants me to buy 2 900iu pens of Gonal-F, plus another 450iu one. WTF!!!!! That's $2500! I didn't even use half of my last Menopur amount she had me buy. I think she's ordering too much. They will want me to take 225iu per night for up to 10 days. I asked WHY. I only took 150iu of Menopur for 3 days before I got a supersized 20mm follie.

They said "well you only had one follicle last time." I think they are totally missing the point. I had a leading follicle, because I wasnt on birth control. and it grew to 20mm after 3 days of 150iu. I feel like if I'm on BC now, and I take 225ius, even with multiple follies - they will be HUGE. ill have too many and they'll be huge.

Now here is where I need your advice!
I had my last IVF phone consult today - this is with the clinic we think we want to use. he said I need to get another SHG and some immunology testing done now, which I will do. He said he thinks I will end up getting IVF anyway, since the IUIs have all not worked. He feels very confident that it will work for me - so much, that he offered the shared risk package. He said to go ahead and try one more IUI with meds, but then to seriously consider IVF.

i am afraid of IVF. It seems like a big scary monster to me. An EXPENSIVE monster. After this IUI cycle, I will have about $8k left in my lifetime fertility benefits. I want the 2-round IVF plan, so that's $20k (if you include meds for both cycles) I just really want to get pregnant with IUI, without all the heinous procedures.

Those of you who've done IVF, can you talk me down from the ledge? Also, do you think I should do 1 or 2 more rounds of IUI with meds? I've done one so far, without BC - and it was a disaster. I still feel like I could get pregnant with IUI, if we find the right timing with BC, meds, etc.

I don't know what to do.

Jon & Kate (& AllState, too!)

Jon & Kate made me vomit in my mouth tonight. Did you catch that horribly awkward AllState plug by Jon? (Right after an AllState commercial, no less) "I have a lot of work to do. My AllState agent told me to check out some tips on their website. So I am going to check out some money saving tips."

For real? Oh man, ok. Allow me to vent.

I used to love this show. I defended Kate, too. She was just crazy because she had to keep a tight ship. She was just misunderstood, right?

Well, now I feel like I've seen Kate's true side. Loveless, heartless, selfish, self-absorbed, mean to her husband, mean to her kids. She won't let her kids be kids. She won't let Jon be Jon. She demands attention. Kate makes my skin crawl.

I'll bet you $1M that the reason their new nanny "is kept private" is not because she's shy. It's because Kate has already decided, and made it quite public that she doesn't want anyone (but herself) to make money off the show. This is why she kicked her friends off the show, too. They were being offered money for all the time they're on camera, and Kate wouldn't have it. How ungrateful!!! For all the help she's been given!

The show used to be innocent. Now it's Kate letting fame to her head, it's watching the family get free VIP access to every event, making them even harder to relate to. And now the product placement....

I don't know if I can watch this horrible show anymore. Is anyone else going through viewer's remorse?

Birth Control.

I picked up my birth control just now. I'm 33 years old and I've never been on birth control.
I'm staring at it, thinking, "Do I stick these up my a**?" (just kidding)

I start on Sunday. Still cracks me up - I never thought I'd be on birth control. Hopefully this will help make IUI#9 a success.

Negative Blood Test: It's Official

Just got my results - negative blood test. I'm not surprised! I started full-flow AF yesterday, so I was doubtful.

Here's the deal. This is the one time I am NOT sulking. Next time if it's a BFN I'll sulk. Amazingly, it's been 1 year now of TTC. Amazingly, I am sitting here smiling and not my usual 2-day inconsolable crying. I think maybe B was right, I need a break.

i start BC pills on Sunday, and about 3 weeks later I will come in for an u/s. They will check my cyst. For the next 3 weeks, I can't do anything but WALK for exercise. Kill me now! usually this is the time when I jack up my workouts to burn off all the fertility med weight gain. Oh well.

In the spirit of not sulking, we made plans for the weekend! It's our first weekend getaway in (what must be) 6 months. with all the RE appts, I never get time to go out of town.

We're going up to Healdsburg/Sonoma, and bringing the dog. We're going wine tasting, dining in Calistoga, hitting the big casino, and even hitting some breweries. :) I'm really excited for the weekend.

I'm going to enjoy this feeling of content. Pretty soon the melancholy and depression will come back, once we start the next cycle.

Here's one lez who never thought she'd be on birth control pills!

13DPO - Negative HPT

I saw it coming. AF is already peeking through the progesterone. I called my RE. I get a blood test tomorrow, and then assuming it's negative, they will put me on BC for 3 weeks.

Poor B has had a terrible day at work. She recently joined a new team at her company, and she's on a huge learning curve. Apparently, her group ripped her a new one today during a presentation of hers. She said they are frustrated with her work, which led her to crying in her meeting, then uncontrollable crying in the company bathroom.

I feel so bad for her. This all happened 2 hours after we got the BFN. I'm at peace with the BFN, and now I can focus on my girl. Poor thing. :(

12DPO - More of the Same. (Nothing)

I'm already spotting through the progesterone. All my AF symptoms are banging at the door.

All of my pregnancy-like symptoms disappeared 10DPO. No major headaches (just minor ones). Granted, I'm bloated and about 5lbs heavier - but that's progesterone. Other than that, I feel completely asymptomatic. I did get 5 zits on my chin, which isn't too common for me. Again, progesterone.

I'm prepared for Thursday's BFN. I'll take a surprise BFP, but I've got my expectations set. If it's a BFN, we're trying to take off for the weekend. Maybe Napa with the dog?

IVF News:
We attended yet another IVF seminar last night - Stanford IVF. A coworker did 3 unsuccessful rounds here, so I'm not as inclined to use them. They have nice doctors, and I like that they will accept anyone. They don't care if you're 41 and have had 10 unsuccessful IVF cycles. They aren't a private practice that cares about their statistics. Perhaps if we are unlucky in IVF, we may end up here.

We still have another IVF seminar next Monday, then 1-2 phone consults, and 1-2 financial consults. We're getting there! So far my personal top 2 clinics: Zouves Fertility Center & Nova IVF. The doc last night said a follicle over 22, but especially over 25 is too big. it would contain an egg that's "too ripe." I look back on my 4 IUIs since my surgery. 3 of the 4 I had follies of 25mm+, and my doctor insisted we go through with the expense of IUI. From now on, if I get supersized follie, I am self-canceling. Eff that stupid doctor, and every stupid doctor I've had that treats me like a robot.

Pop Question:
What are your thoughts on pre-implantation genetic testing? It would be nice to see ahead of time if some embryos have severe issues, and to see gender.....but it also leaves some potential ethical issues. If you see a blastocyst with Cystic Fibrosis, is it wrong to not use that one? Is it wrong to genetically screen and choose embryos? What happens when they find a gay gene, and now people can stop accepting gay children? It's a very big issue, and I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer. it's just a personal decision. having said that, I'm curious to get your thoughts. Discuss! :)

10DPO - Whole lotta nothin'

Well, I made it into the double digits. 4 days left. I've had a killer migraine for about 4-5 days. It's resistant to everything. I've pumped myself full of Class C meds, and some Tylenol w/codeine to boot. I've likely jeopardized any opportunity for implantation again.

My bbs were hurting (from the men0pur), and I was having some twinges in my ute area. Last night was bad with meds. I go as long as I can without taking anything, but once my migraine gets to a 9/10 (scale of pain), I have to take something. Last night I had my Class C pill, and two tylenol w/codeines. F***. I had no choice, it was THAT bad.

I woke up this morning. Migraine still there. ALL symptoms are gone. Even my nips are no longer painful. Do you think I de-implanted? :-S