I am officially still freaking out over the compound heterozygous version of MTHFR that I have. I didn't sleep all weekend, and spent my days researching. Dr Google can be a bitch. I read countless message boards of women who had m/c after m/c at 7 months, stillbirth, and kids with severe deformations.
Granted, many of these women didn't know they had MTHFR. But some even said with all the supplements, women with MTHFR still have more babies with defects. This has me freaking out on so many levels.
I can't help but think.... why am i doing all of this? Is it the right thing to do to push forward with IVF? Do I want to spend $30,000 (all in, with my additional meds) for ONE try. One try - that could easily end in early or late term miscarriage, or end with a child with severe spina bifidia? Am I doing the right thing? Should I give up on IVF?
I think I will try just once, but if anything bad happens, I stop. I'm terrified about all the risks in general. I called my PCP's office - she doesn't believe in any of this, even though I tested positive for BOTH mutations, and clearly that is linked to blood disorder. I left her nurse a message, asking for a referral to a hematologist. I have a feeling my PCP won't give me one, or will force me to setup a 5th appt with her in a month....just to make me feel like shit for being concerned. (She's always waved off every symptoms I've had, and treats me like I am a hypochondriac, fat, lazy person who just needs to exercise more)
She is my third PCP in the last year, I can not find a good one that pays attention to my body.
I left a message with my ob clinic, too - since this would be a high risk pregnancy, I want to know what the real risks are.
Ugh. I want all of this to be over. Really, maybe this is God's way of telling me I was always meant to adopt. And that my little boy or girl out there is just patiently waiting for me to get off the infertility treadmill.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The infertility treadmill
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I can't even imagine the agony you are in right now. What a tough decision....have you researched the success rates of meds and pro-active care when you are aware of this before a pregnancy? I wish you well in making these decisions and things will happen the way they are supposed to, even though that sounds like shit right now.
I just caught up on your last few days--man, you have really been through the wringer. I hope you find some good answers and some good caregivers that will help you approach all of these decisions in a well-informed way. Please do take care of yourself and find time to relax and think about other things--sounds like Dr. Google is compounding your stress, not relieving it. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
I think you are being really smart about this thing. Be proactive even when drs aren't acting as though you could be right. My thought is that some med schools are better than others and somebody has to be at the bottom of every med school. Keep trying until you find a dr willing to help you really investigate. I have a friend who kept asking to have her clotting factor checked before surgery and none of her doctors listened... she finally sat up on the gurney and refused surgery until the check was done. Sure enough she had a problem and would have bled out on the table if she had been pacified by the docs telling her to relax. I don't know about the disorder you have but I know that you DESERVE real answers. I am sorry this is so hard for you right now. I hope you get good news that all will be okay.
I'm so sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. I can't imaging how frustrating all of these results must be, and how scary the future seems. I know that you'll do what's best for you and your family.
hugs.
what a total nightmare you've been going through. so sorry you've had all of this added stress with your test results. it's so hard NOT to research and learn more, "dr google", when you aren't getting answers from your doc. i hope that you can find a true CAREgiver, someone to trust and rely on. it makes such a huge difference. but, i do also know it's hard to find time to do that when you're in the midst of a zillion other things. take care of yourself and try to breathe through this whole thing- you have lots of people rooting for you all the way out in the blogosphere!
I'm so sorry you have to make this decision. You will know what's best for you. Good luck!
awh carrie. i can't BELIEVE how much you are going through right now. seems like an unbelievably hard decision....do what you feel is best for you in your heart! ugh...i hate dr. google. thinking of you girl and hope you're taking care of yourself - it's a lot of stress to be under. xoxo
Post a Comment