After painfully holding my pee for 4 hours (which is hard, since PIO makes me need to pee VIOLENTLY every 90 minutes), I used a digital HPT. The "Pregnant" came up within 30 seconds.
I've waited 16 months to post my BFP. Why am I not feeling giddy? :( I honestly have no symptoms, and I really AM terrified about the stupid cervix going hard. The dark side of my brain is telling me this is a chemical, and that in a few days, our beta will confirm that. Why am I so morbid? (Perhaps b/c we've had incredibly devastating bad news piled on us rapidly over the last year) I've been trained to believe nothing will ever go right with me + TTC.
Why can't I just relax and breathe in my first BFP? What's wrong with me? Have 16 months of bad news and TTC mishaps scarred me too much? Has it stolen any joys from an early BFP? Remember, my body was built to be a Terminator to a fetus. I guess there are enough "signs" to me that something could be wrong, and I read that 50%-70% of early BFPs turn into m/c, mainly chemical pregnancies. My women's intuition has been wrong so many times, as you're welcomed to remind me. So far you have all been correct, and I thank you for holding the candle of hope for me, when I'm unable to.
I promise you this. If Thursday's second beta results show numbers increasing, you will see the happiest Carrie you've seen since I started this blog. We will have a massive BFP e-party. I am praying for good news on Thursday, and will reserve my joy until then.
For now, I will stare at this 'pregnancy' sign until the digital clicks off. I honestly didn't think I'd ever see this. It's like looking at a unicorn.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
So THAT'S what one looks like...
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41 comments:
Holy Shit!!!! I checked my email and saw the one from you, and headed right over here. See, can I say I told you so??? :) It is completely okay to be overwhelmed and in disbelief...this coming from the girl who literally took 12 HPTs...no joke. Keep peeing on sticks, it will sink in, eventually--it might take a couple of months. :) Try to stay positive and quit thinking about your cervix...you are killing me. Congratulations to both of you... you have made me day, completely and fully. Hugs and much love.
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG, I talk about you multiple times a day to Chicken and keep saying "God I hope she's pregnant" and YOU ARE!!!
So freaking happy for you and so glad you POAS'd!!
OMG! WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!!
I'm so excited for you!!!!
Stick little one, stick!
OMG!!!!!! Congratulations!
Awesome! I know it feels hard to believe after such a long journey but hopefully the beta on Thursday will ease your mind.
OMG!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are pregnant!!! Start feeling giddy damn it!!
It's hard to relax, but that's awesome news. Congrats!
Yay!! I'm so happy for you both. Congats!!!
YES!!!!!!! I'm SO happy for you!!!!!
:0)
yipee!! congratulations!
i know how hard this is to do (trust me), but try to enjoy this very moment of being pregnant. there is always one more milestone ahead (heartbeat/anatomy scan/movement/viablity...), so don't postpone your joy! :)
Hooray! I'm hoping (and genuinely beliving, if that matters) that this is anything but a chemical... it's a positive, and it's yours! Congratulations, and I'll look forward to more good news come the beta! Feel free to pee on many things between then and now, though, just for funsies!
YAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is FANTASTIC! I'M JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!!!! LANI IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!! WE'RE ALL JUMPING UP AND DOWN!!!!!!
NOW I'M CRYING.
OK.
STOPPED CRYING. JUMPING AGAIN!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOX
Yes!!!!!!! Congrats!!!!
FINALLY!!! Congratulations. Soak it all up, must feel wonderful to see that single unqualified word. Here's to soaring betas.
Yahoo!!!!!
No shit! You are pregnant! Pregnant!!! I understand your reservavtion but to let it wash over you.
Congrats!
Whoohoo!
(do I get to say told you so now? Kidding)
I am so so so so so happy for you. And am crossing everything that things look good with the beta.
And seriously, stop messing around with your cervix. You can irritate it, get an infection, or make it bleed - they're much more prone to bleeding right now. And it doesn't matter yet what it's doing anyway. :-p
YAYAYAYAY
I don't think I've posted on your blog before, but I've been following your story for awhile now. First of all, congratulations on the positive! Second, I had a quick story about a hard cervix....my friend checked hers regularly and was trying to get pregnant. Then one month she told me her cervix was really hard. Sure enough, she was finally pregnant. When you said yours was feeling hard, I figured you would be pregnant. I'm taking this as a good sign! It's like your cervix saying "I'm closing up shop for the next nine months. Nothin' is getting in here!" Relax and enjoy your first ever "pregnant!" Congratulations again!
OH my bleeping GAHHHHHD!!!! this is such TOTALLY EXCITING NEWS!!!! i started crying the minute i saw your test stick pop up- so glad i hopped on the computer! totally made my day to know that you got this mind blowing news!!! can't tell you enough how happy and thrilled i am for you...my heart is just bursting. it's just the best shock of your life after you've tried for so long and gone through so many obstacles...YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!! enjoy it!!!
Congrats.. Congrats.. Congrats..
Think positive!!!!
we KNEW it... its the BEST news we have had in ages... just ENJOY it...how wonderful, you have made our day... we got up at 6am to check on your blog and couldnt get back to sleep we were so happy for you!
Oh my god! You are so pregnant right now. I'm sure it must not seem real after everything that you've gone through, and I'm sure that the fears are real, but really, as of this moment, you are PREGNANT! It's also fine not to feel giddy yet, but just know that there are others out here in the blogosphere that totally feel giddy for you right now! I'll be thinking of you and your beta on Thursday.
So happy for you! Hope you can settle in and enjoy it now!
So FREAKIN excited for you...and relieved! whew...glad you got the good news this month...it will be us next month...
Many congrats, Chica! I'm very happy for you! It will sink in. It may take a while, but it will sink in!
I knew it!! Congratulations!! The bad news is that the freaking out doesn't ease off for a while, but that doesn't change a thing - hell, YOU'RE PREGNANT!!
I couldn't believe my wife was pregnant even though we made like 7 home-pregnancy-tests *lol*. But wow, I am soooo happy for you :) I am a silent reader for a while now and yeeeahh...you are P R E G N A N T !!!! Wishing you all the best from far far away Germany !!
CARRIE!!! OMG!! I'm absolutely thrilled for you both (tearing up here). You're PREGNANT!!!
So rarely is an I told you so appropriate, but this is totally one of those moments. Yay! Congratulations!
CONGRATULATIONS! Sorry to be late to this....of course now there are a host of OTHER anxieties, but this is a huge piece of great news.
Hooray!!
Now THAT is what I like to see! Whether you're willing to believe it right now or not, you're pregnant! It does take forever to be able to trust it, to feel like it's real, but I hope you'll let yourself feel at least a little joy. Woooohooooo!!!
HOLY COW, CARRIE IS PREGNANT!! Hot damn!!! Sometimes, I still don't believe that Laurie is really pregnant and we're 5 months in! Your going to have some awesome beta reports, I know it!
OMG!!! YAY YAY YAY! You are pregnant lady! Oh, we are soooo happy for you two! Celebrate and enjoy every minute...even morning sickness :]
Crossing my fingers that Thursday's Carrie is a VERY VERY happy one!!
Congrats!
Wow. Look at you, Miss Pregnant Lady. I couldn't be happier for you if I tried. :)
Woo Hoo! I am insanely happy for you. I truly hope this a perfectly happy and healthy 9 months.Congratulations!!!!!!
even BETTER than a unicorn.
i'm so happy for you.
SOOOO jealous, but SOOOO happy for you!
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!
I go online to get caught up on blogs and find this awesome news!!!! WOOOO HOOOOO!!! Congrats Carrie....this is freaking awesome. I'm hoping for a very happy and healthy pregnancy for you!!!!!
(Moving you to the preggo section on my blog now!)
xoxox
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