Thanks for all the kind comments you left to my last post. I am getting a bit better at dealing with reality now. First, I need to get rid of this cyst and any possible endometrosis scarring. My RE wants me to come back in two weeks, but I don't know if I can wait that long.
I've been in on/off debilitating pain from this cyst. I'll feel ok (always some degree of aching), but then I'll be doubled over in pain. Last night I went to a dinner with friends, and felt great! An hour after I got home, I had the worst stabbing pains yet in my ovary. I couldn't even talk - and the pain was so bad that me, with a high tolerance for pain, was crying. I took M0trin, which did NOTHING. I took a Vic0din, and several hours later the pain lessened.
Seriously, I can't go on like this. I can't wait another few weeks to see if the cyst goes away on it's own. I'm thinking of going back to my last fertility clinic, the ones who did my hysteroscopy. I don't trust my current RE to do surgery on me, just a gut feeling.
At the same time, all of these cyst appts are eating up the last of my lifetime fertility benefits.
Once I can take care of this cyst, I am fast tracking myself to IVF. I will do 1-2 rounds, then B will have a go at it. She'll be 36 by then, which means odds are low. We're finally starting to consider the fact that we may have to adopt. In the next few months, we may start the long process of adoption paperwork. We're likely looking at open adoption agencies. The fost-adopt programs out here are plentiful, but 99% of the kids have serious problems such as crack/heroine addictions/exposure in utero. Major physical or mental diseases. There is nothing wrong with that per se, except we would not be able to provide the environment or attentive care that those kids deserve. We work 10 hours a day, and already have enough lifestyle challenges for a semi-normal child.
Long story short, we're realizing it's not the end of the world if we can't carry a child. I mean, it feels like it is, but I'm forcing myself to recognize that other options might be possible....even if the wait list is 2 years. :)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thanks for the support!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Wow-you have been processing a lot! I do hope that you can get that cyst under control for both your health and your sanity. What the future holds for you is another issue that you WILL figure out. **hugs**
That final paragraph is exactly where I'm at right now. It's a happy place to be, isn't it? I mean, it's a relief in a lot of ways.
Hope that pain subsides really soon, that's gotta be terrible.
Wow! I am impressed that you are able to emotionally process so well while in such pain. Hoping you feel better soon.
i just got caught up with everything and wanted to tell you how very sorry i am for all of the derailments. something to think about, my wife had a huge endometrioma in the middle of her ivf cycle and the RE decided to drain it in mid cycle rather than cancel everything and it sucked and we were not optimistic about the cycle at all but i'm holding the incredible 9 week old baby girl that it produced right now. can you ask them to drain it so that you can get on with it all rather than continuing the wait and see game?
You're going to be great moms, however it comes to be.
I've been MIA lately, so I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier, but you're in my thoughts, and I'm really hoping that the cyst can be taken care of and you can still get pregnant. But I know that, even if you can't, you'll have a family.
Most of all, I hope you're out of pain soon.
Damn Carrie, I can't believe there's so much going on. I think Amy from Raz has a really good point you should bring up with the RE.
IVF does seem the logical step to take at this point.
I am reserving all my hope for that and that we won't need to talk about adoption. Hang in there.
Post a Comment