So we decided, assuming our OB appt goes well tomorrow, we will tell our families about the pregnancy. I've been putting this off for a while.
My mom is hardcore Mormon, and 1-2 years ago told me how it's sin to have a kid, it's child abuse, she won't love our kid like she loves her other grandkids, etc. My mom acts so sweet on one hand, but then will say the most cruel things. I haven't mentioned the TTC journey to her since that day.
My sister, also Mormon, shares some of my mom's beliefs, but has the courtesy not to say it to me. She once said, "Well, you know how I feel about this, but that's all I'm going to say."
I wish I had a family where I could make some super cute announcement, and they'd all light up and clap and hug me. The reality is, they will probably be civil and say congrats, but I know inside they will be dying and will pray for my sins.
How did you all tell your families, the ones who weren't supportive? I think I will simply email them and attach a photo of the baby. Maybe I'll say something like "Someone wants to say hi." Still, they do NOT deserve a cutesy announcement. I'm not going to kid myself into thinking it will be some joyous moment for them.
Email it is.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Telling my mom and sister this week
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15 comments:
I am sorry your family isn't more supportive. I just wanted you to know that I lit up and clapped for you when I heard your good news.I know it's not the same as family but I wanted you to know I am cheering for you out here in blogland.
I too am sorry about the sucky family support. We're all here happy and excited for you!!
I too come from a mormon family. If you ever want to talk about it, don't hesitate to email me.
love and hugs
I always thought an announcement in the mail would work best and give me more control.My mother/family with my email addy solicited boobytraps that guilty me to death when I opened them.
In your case your partner can screen the mail and shred the shitty stuff.
I'm sorry that your family is not supportive. I don't have anything wise or funny to say about that. But you've got blog friends who couldn't be more excited for you, and I'm one of them. :)
I remember a lot of the stuff last year with your mom, so I know what a struggle this will be. I say email, something less personal than a phone call...then they can deal with it on their terms and not affect you directly in the minute. Telling Tiffs mom was the most serious, a die-hard evangelist. she took it in stride and is slowly getting better although I don't think she considers it her grandchild since tiff isn't carrying, but that is her issue and I have stopped letting it affect me. Good luck dear and email me if you need to.
Family can be so cruel sometimes. Our moms were supportive but my wife's sister-n-law was not. We didn't even tell her, we told her brother (her husband) and let him tell her. He was actually thrilled, but she didn't mention it until she saw me at Christmas (2 months later). I was happy that she had some time to digest the information and at least be civil. She said "congrats on the twins, I know its not something we condone, but I am working on it". Not sure how to take that to this day. Glad we don't see them often.
i had a little trouble with my father in the beginning but as the pregnancy went on and he saw that everything was going to work out and be okay things have gotten better. now that the baby is here things have been sooooo much better. there is something about a baby that softens people. i am sure that you know the best way to break the news and it sounds like you are ready for any reaction you get. just hang in there, even if they never come around you are building a new family :]
I'm not so helpful, because my non-supportive family, I just didn't tell. But I know that I am lucky in that my mom and dad (well, step-dad) are very supportive, and so the folks I didn't tell were my aunt, etc. Well, and my father. I let him find out from facebook. I'm cruel like that.
Know that your virtual family here is more excited than the world for you.
This is so painful, and I'm so sorry that your family isn't what they should be. I'd tell the in a very simple way, and maybe say something at the end like, "we are simply thrilled at the news and only request that if you are not able to share our joy, then you just don't respond at all." Something of the "if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all" variety. Lots of love, and good luck.
I can't imagine how hard it is to have to deal with this with your family.
Sending you love and support.
There aren't many benefits of being excommunicated from your family, but there are some! This is one of them! I don't HAVE to worry about telling them, they can watch the kid grow up on our blogs and that's it.
sorry this is so hard...and i think what lizzie said in her post was right on. let them know not to communicate anything unless it is positive, keep it to themselves otherwise. you are pregnant, you are thrilled, and if they need a parade to shit on, they can find someone elses. my partner's family surprised us by being supportive UNTIL they found out that one of our donors is not white and that he is gay (when i was 7 months pregnant). it's been a real kick in the gut and has taken a lot to move thru during my pregnancy. we're down to emails now trying to "enlighten" the racist bigots (which i'm ONLY doing for my partner, i never want to see these a-holes again!!!) ug. i hope that you get only the best of what they could possibly have to say and that you do know how thrilled your blogfans are for you. and how much we know you've put into this rough journey to get to this overjoyed place.
I'm so sorry you have to experience this. It isn't right. I know how that stuff goes down because I grew up in SLC and it's a loose, loose situation for all of you. Know that we are all thrilled for you and so excited for your little one.
As a Mormon I am so sorry your family isn't supportive of you.
I have a gay cousin who is looking for a surrogate and I am so excited for him.
Children are always a blessing.
Good luck telling them.
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