What they tell you (and don't tell you) about pregnancy

Thought I'd make a list of everything I've noticed since I got pregnant. Feel free to add your own!

The Lovely Side of Pregnancy:
1) Thicker hair
2) Thicker nails, and they grow faster
3) My endometriosis is quiet
4) Hearing the hb on the doppler or seeing it move on the screen
5) No periods!
6) Feeling my belly get bigger and harder. Why is the area above my belly button hard? Anyone? Bueller?
7) I have a lovely wife who cooks many of my meals and has been great to us.
8) Getting to indulge a little, now and then. If all I can stomach is a hamburger, baby's getting a hamburger. :)
9) Pregnant women everywhere will hate me for saying this, but I've never been so regular in my whole life! I used to have bad constipation issues, and since I got pregnant, I have a very satisfying visit to the bathroom every single morning. *knock on wood*
10) The first time you try on maternity jeans. Ahhhhhhhhh. Comfort zone, to the max.
11) The first time they start doing tummy ultrasounds. Yay, no more magic vag wand!


The Funnier Side of Pregnancy:
1) Your cooch becomes a hand lotion dispenser (please don't make me elaborate!)
2) Hair is thicker, but coarser
3) Zits! BIG fat ones.
4) Your body hair doesn't fall out, so I get insane peach fuzz. I feel like Teen Wolf. I also get 50 new eyebrow hairs to pluck every day. They grow right back. My belly is all fuzzy, too. I'm seriously either Teen Wolf or a hobbit.
5) I can finally see inside my belly button. It's getting pushed out. So that's what it looks like!
6) Flakey nips. Dry skin leads to flakey nips for me. It's so embarrassing.
7) Big blue veins all over my tatas
8) With all the hair growth, my nose hairs have grown fast and furious. I feel like a grandpa.
9) Your eating tastes change. I have an aversion to beef now, and lots of foods I normally LOVE never sound good. What sounds good now is picked beets, chips and spicy salsa, etc. Food tastes bland when pregnant, so I need my food to be spicy!
10) Pee is more yellow, and smells funny.
11) How do I say this.....your digestive system relaxes. I'm always burping at work, and tooting. I toot all day long. It's come out in front of coworkers, but I normally try the "crop dusting" technique. It's actually really hard to hold it in, for some reason!
12) Crying. Everything makes me cry. Everything.


The Not so Fun Side of Pregnancy:
1) Fatigue that I can only compare to: Mono + Nyquil + Ambien + Roofie, and having to work hard at work all day. It gets so bad that my eye sockets and skull even aches.
2) Fatigue followed by insane insomnia all night
3) Dry dry DRY skin. I'm always scratching. I'm like a monkey.
4) Weight gain ALL OVER. Most of my weight gain has been in my butt and thighs. I'm pretty sure my uterus is in my right butt cheek, because that's growing the fastest. ;)
5) Huffing and puffing. Maybe it's the increased blood volume in my body so my heart's working harder...but any little effort, like walking up a small flight of stairs to our condo, and I'm out of breath for 5 minutes.
6) Dry heaving. It's mostly in the morning, on an empty stomach. Lately I've thrown up a few times at work, or while brushing my teeth.
7) I've gained 20 pounds since we started fertility meds, and another 10 pounds since I got pregnant. It's actually painful to walk in my shoes now....all that extra weight.
8) Worrying. Worrying about cramping, then worrying when you don't have cramping. Worrying about spotting, worrying about your symptoms going away, worrying because you had a bad dream. It never stops (for me, at least)
9) Working fulltime at a stressful job while pregnant and not feeling well.
10) How much I miss sushi! I miss it 100x more than anything else: oysters, wine, soft cheeses, deli meat.