You Know You're in the TWW When....

Ok. I am officially in TWW hell. Obsessing like a mad woman, spending 10 hours a day reading the same twoweekwait.com symptom posts over and over. Truth be told, I think I had some symptoms, imagined a few, but either way - they are ALL gone now. Just mega bloating from progesterone. Everything else is gone, I feel fine. Keeping the faith for a few more days, but not as hopeful.

So during my obsession, I started tracking the things that I (and/or others) do. Here you go. :)

You Know You're in the TWW When...
1) You wake up every day hoping to see spider veins in your ta-tas.
2) You know the exact days, minutes, and seconds since you ovulated.
3) Gassy. Tooting like it's going out of style. Watch out!
4) Spend more time blogging, on fertilityfriend.com, and reading fertility/TWW websites, than you spend with your spouse and pets. oops.
5) Consider doing a HPT 2x a day from 7DPO, then realize you're crazy. Then you rethink doing it again...
6) You cousin's wedding was beautiful last weekend, but all you could think about was what stage your egg was in.
7) Pregnant women, lots of them, deliberately try to stand in your vision...so you notice them.
8) You see a pregnant man on Oprah.
9) Beer never looked so good.
10) You can somehow appear normal in business meetings, chatting with friends over dinner, seeing a movie, watching the presidential debates...when inside all you're obsessing about is your TWW.
11) You spend every night googling the same symptoms, and when the search results come up, they are already highlighted...indicating these are the exact same sites you read yesterday. But you still read them again.
12) You do fertilityfriend.com "Find charts like yours" every night.
13) Pour through archived TTC blogs, looking to see what their symptoms were right before they got a BFP.
14) Get angry at the stick figure family car decals.
15) Really. Beer never looked so good.
16) It seems like suddenly everyone is inviting you for sushi, happy hour, sandwiches, soft serve, oysters, wine tasting, and soft cheese.
17) You feel less guilty for not working out.
18) You can repeat your last 6 BBTs, but no longer remember your SS#.
19) You're afraid to poo, because you think it'll knock the egg off.
20) One day you're elated, convinced you're pregnant. The next day you just know you're not, and are inconsolable.
21) You realize how much you love your partner, and when the hormones act up, how much they annoy you.
22) Your DP does secret vodka shots in the kitchen, to deal with your swings.
23) You stare at the toilet paper after peeing, looking for the slightest suggestion of implantation spotting.
24) You wonder if every twinge is just gas, and vice versa.
25) You seem to notice more symptoms while you're reading TTC websites.
26) You've spent two months salary on OPKs and HPTs.
27) You realize how utterly useless Tylenol really is.
28) You look at the next month's calendar to make sure you'll be around for the next insemination, then worry you've jinxed yourself for being too negative.
29) You want to buy the cute onesie at the store, then worry you'll jinx yourself for being too optimistic.
30) You pray that one of your food aversions will be beer.
31) Tired as a mofo.
32) Feel like the StayPuft Marshmallow Man.
33) Actually find yourself buying Noxzema next to tweens at the drugstore.
34) Time itself slows, typically reaching cosmic holding patterns around 10DPO.
35) Porn boobs in the making.
36) The laundry machine is clearly broken; all your clothes have shrunk.
37) You feel like a big fat greasy dumpy stringy haired sweaty zitty monster at work.
38) You're constantly fondling your boobs to see if they hurt.
39) Feel like you need a leave of absence from work, during the entire TWW process.
40) Flip through the Lesbian Conception Book, and suddenly feel depressed. Basically, your only chance of getting pregnant is if you eat organic, insem'd on a full moon, go vegan, haven't been near cleaning chemicals in 5 years, are a Wiccan, eat tree bark, and your middle name is Nancy. And even then, it's still a 6%-12% chance.