Yesterday I hit a low, and amazingly, I'm already bouncing back. You know how it goes, sometimes you just need to "feel the shite" in order for it to pass through your system.
It didn't help that I've had a KILLER migraine since Friday. I'm home sick today with it, still. I finally took a Tylenol with codeine today, it barely took an edge off. My doc says it's ok to take, but I'd taken one on Thursday, too. (And it turns out, coincidence or not, that was the day Baby B arrested) You can understand why I waited as long as I possibly could to take another one. :\
Here's my new attitude:
I am at peace with knowing Baby B was not meant to be with us. Maybe Baby A is not meant to be with us either, but all we can do is live in the now. We'll enjoy each day that we have with him/her. If we are blessed to deliver Baby A in 7 months, we will feel incredibly lucky. We won't take a single day of this pregnancy for granted.
For now, until proven otherwise, Baby A is still with us and needs our love. I setup an extra scan next Monday, to see how s/he's doing. I imagine I'll need this incremental reassurance for a while.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Doing Much Better!
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16 comments:
SO glad you're feeling better. I've been blogstalking you (if you haven't noticed) ;-) I am hoping you continue to feel better and take care of yourself & Baby A. That's the most you can do. KNow we are all out here rooting for you.
There's nothing wrong with needing the reassurance - we did, too. I'm so so glad your doctor is willing to give it to you.
I'm also glad you're feeling better. ♥ You ARE pregnant, you are still pregnant, and nothing can take that away from you. Every day is as amazing as it is terrifying, and I hope you get many more of them.
my heart is full after reading your post, i'm so glad you are taking the time and space you need to work through all of your feelings of loss and have been able to reach this new plateau of taking it one day at a time. of being able to somewhat be in the moment for baby A. for you. all of the good karma i can muster is coming down your way for your family. you deserve this! i think the extra ultrasounds sound like a great way for you to celebrate and feel a little more secure considering your diagnosis. do whatever it is you have to so that you can enjoy this path. lord knows it seems to fly by and has it's share of ups and downs! thinking of you and sending a big smile on your fresh new day. my partner's in bed with a migraine today, too...hope you can kick yours quickly...and she can too! those suckers are horrendous!!!
It's great to hear that you're feeling better! Just keep taking care of yourself, and doing what you need to feel calm and okay.
Best wishes.
I love your new found peace. I think you are doing an amazing job considering the rollercoaster ride you've been on. Keep it up Mama, what is meant to be will be and there is nothing more you can do. I admire your strength.
It sounds like you're doing so much better (just caught up on your blog from the past few days). Might I suggest an at-home doppler? We were able to hear Sweet Pea's heartbeat at home starting at 11w2d. It provided so much reassurance between doctor appointments. I know it's still early, but perhaps something to consider in the coming weeks!
I am so glad you are feeling better. I was worrying about you. Don't worry about taking drugs, munchkin survived
morphine, vicaden, hyrdocodine and fentenal during my june trials. It will all work out and let me know of you need anything.
Go Carrie, Becky, and Baby A!!!
YES! So glad you set up the extra u/s. I swear I had like 10 last time I was pregnant (and it only lasted 8 weeks). Losing a baby means you need those extra scans for your sanity; you're not alone in that.
Glad that you took time to go through the dark feelings and that you come out of them today. I like what you said about living the present. That present awareness is what sustains and nourishes....
I'm glad you are beginning to start healing emotionally, so sorry about the physical aliments :(
So glad you are feeling a bit better! And very glad to hear you have a scan next monday. Ill be blog stalking you that day to see how things went. I agree that the doppler may be a good idea for you after you hit the 12 week mark.
Really happy to hear you think you have hit the bottom and are on the way up. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be positive for your baby all the time though. Will check in on ultrasound day. Take care and hope you shake that migraine
I've been checking in on you, and I'm happy to hear you are feeling better! I'm keeping you, Becky and Baby A in my thoughts :)
I am glad you are feeling better. Also glad that you are getting that extra reassurance.
You have been through a really rough time in a short period, but it sounds like hope is in the house again.
The migraines sound like absolute hell. The next time I have a really 'bad' headache, I need to remind myself how lucky I am. I feel for you, because I know how bad I feel and that's not a migraine for days on end.
Take care of yourself the best you can. Enjoy Tahoe and Becky and Baby A this weekend. You deserve it.
Let me know if you need...anything.
xoxo
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